Friday, April 30, 2010

You Were Right, I Was Wrong

I most definitely took on way, way, way too much this semester. I have burned the candle at so many ends, that the candle no longer is discernable and instead looks like a piece of swiss cheese it's been burned in so many places. I am spent. EMotionally, physically, mentally. I have hit a brick wall and every ounce of me is screaming that I should just give up. Except for this teeny tiny little voice that tells me to muddle through to keep pushing that soon, the only thing I will have to concentrate on is the Triathlon. One more week and school is over. One more week and the only thing I will need to focus on is stronger better faster. But now, mired in all of the crap that I have to get done, there is a quickly increasing and always strangling panic that I whatever ball I left in the air, is going to come down and crash. My times and distances are grossly lacking. 8 miles bike, 3 miles in an HOUR for the run (well- since we're being honest- the walk) swimming is the only thing that I am fairly confident I will be okay in. And even that is starting to worry me. I don't know how much is legitimate concern and how much is fear, and how much I can really gain in the less than six weeks that remains.

I took this personality test recently, and I am absolutely amazed at how dead on it is:

The Phlegmatic / Sanguine
If you are a phlegmatic-sanguine, your phlegmatic side will dominate. This will result in a greater tendency to introversion (though still less than a melancholic’s or pure phlegmatic’s). You are congenial and cooperative and get along well with most everyone. Because of your emphasis on harmony in relationships, you are peace-loving, conservative, well-balanced, easy-going, with a dry wit and a talent for bringing people together. As an employee, you are compliant, dutiful, orderly, and subdued (and probably were as a child too). Others may not realize that you have a sanguine side -- at first. It may take a little longer for you to make close friends (because you do not reveal your feelings or thoughts as readily as the more extraverted sanguine-phlegmatic), but once you do, your sanguine nature can assert itself. It will also show up when, for example, you have been so dutiful and compliant about work or school that finally you need to relax and unwind — and now the sanguine, fun-loving side comes out. Or, when you are hanging out with your closest friends.
You are very thoughtful of others, with a knack for empathically putting yourself in other people’s shoes, and value peace and harmony at all times. You also have a great sense of humor and an easy-going manner that makes you a valued friend. You are discouraged by criticism or negativity and need acceptance, support and cooperation in your personal life. You can be deeply wounded by sarcasm, harsh criticism, and anger when it is directed at you. You will not, however, directly fight back but prefer to “turn the other cheek” or redouble your efforts to please.
Phlegmatic-sanguines tend to prefer movies, concerts, or other forms of relaxation that are a bit more spectator-oriented. When they attend parties, they tend to prefer smaller groups, rather than the large social gatherings a pure sanguine enjoys. Like sanguine-phlegmatics, they are very attentive to relationships, to harmony among people. They have deep feelings, hate negative criticism, and become discouraged by negativity in those around them. They are strongly tempted to repress their own wishes in order to preserve peace in a relationship. A stressful situation (especially one that is interpersonally demanding) may cause the peaceful phlegmatic-sanguine to withdraw into solitary television watching, playing computer games, eating or sleeping, instead of directly expressing their negative feelings.
A danger for the phlegmatic-sanguine is to be satisfied with achieving less than what he is capable of -- whether because he tends not to plan for the future or because the more challenging goals seem to be “too much trouble.” A phlegmatic-sanguine will be strongly tempted to quit if he doesn’t think the end product is worth the effort or if he fears he won’t succeed. Perhaps the most besetting difficulties for this temperament mixture are the natural inclination to peace and quiet (tempting one to laziness), a preference to live within the moment (superficiality), and a tendency to make decisions based first on the desire to please someone else or to restore harmony.
In a relationship, the phlegmatic-sanguine is true-blue. He is likely to be a great listener, is willing to put others first, and has excellent mediatory skills. You are a supportive friend and a cooperative employee; however, this can cause you to say “yes” to demands of friends or colleagues, without first analyzing whether this choice is actually the best choice to make. At times, wanting to either please your good friends or avoid conflict either at home or at work, you may “go with the flow” when in fact a strong stance is necessary. Or, you may avoid a more demanding task or career move in order to maintain harmony and stability. If you find yourself “stuck in a rut” or avoiding making the extra effort required to make an important change, take time out to analyze your goals for the future, realign your priorities to reflect your values and, if necessary, seek spiritual direction to ensure that your values are aligned with God’s will for you.
If your temperament is phlegmatic-sanguine, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the phlegmatic and sanguine.

The biggest points that hit home were "being satisfied with achieving less than what you are capable of" and not setting goals because they seem to be too much trouble, and constantly quits because of fear of failure!

At this point, me quitting entirely would be failure. Finishing last is not failure. Not trying will be the failure. A friend of mine told me, it's better to be Dead "Flipping" last than Did Not Start or Did Not Finish - so... that is what I keep telling myself.

One week, one more week, and finally the noose around my neck will loosen- at least until fall. But that is what is propelling me through this last week.. I mean, its preparing me for the race mentally anyhow isn't it? Showing me about overcoming obstacles, pushing through walls, and mentally achieving success even when you want to quit. :)

It's been a long time since Ive posted. Posting became backburnered trying to balance everything else in my life. As soon as classes finish, it will be back to daily postings.

Hopefully this weekend, I will be able to make up the lacking ground, both triathlon wise and academically.

Have a great weekend peeps