Getting Back on the Horse... No One Mentioned it was a Clydesdale

Picture acquired from Anything Equine

UGH.  That is really all I have the strength to even type.  U.G.H.  If you follow me on Facebook  you may have noticed that my work outs with Brutus started again this week.

The month of December between holiday parties and getting sick-  like a step away from pneumonia sick- resulted in a full four weeks of once again stepping back from working out.  This week was my reintroduction to being beaten up by Brutus.  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder... in his case I think absence gives him too much time to think up really masochistic ways of showing me how much he missed me.  Can we say one workout of every form of squat imaginable.  That was Wednesday, its now Sunday and I can finally sit again without groaning.  Or beating my arms into a bloody pulp with with weights and resistance bands to the point that even brushing my teeth made me whimper?  That pain finally started to fade away yesterday (just in time for tomorrow's workout...goooooodie! )

I also have made a deal with him that I will check in to Lifetime every time I am at the pool so that he knows I'm sticking with my workout schedule...so guess where I was bright and early this morning and yesterday morning?  You got it in the pool.  Though I can't complain on that one.. it made me realize just how much I missed it -  plus the pool workout made the ache in my arms go away.

Over the course of the past few weeks, whilst unable to work out but starting to feel slightly better, I decided that I have way too much junk in my house.  Like, we really should be on an episode of clothes hoarders.  Mr Millie and I both suffer from "But one day this will fit me again" syndrome.  I finally had enough.  We don't have a big house, and our master was built long before Master Bedrooms were truly "Master Bedrooms" and not just the biggest bedroom in the house-  so we have a VERY small closet.  I went through that thing like a crazy woman -  SEVEN Bags worth of clothes went to Goodwill and STILL my closet is packed.  I know I need to condense more, and I really need to detach emotionally from a lot of those clothes.  I keep hanging on to things because they have memories associated with them, and not because I'll ever wear them again.  Same with Mr. Millie- He more so with me (I mean honestly he has Tshirts from every Civil War battlefield he has ever visited...has he ever worn ANY of those TShirts? No.  When I suggested we take them and turn them into a blanket since he never wears them anyway- he acted as if I suggested we take our dogs to the shelter and give them away.  They're TSHIRTS... and ugly ones at that, collecting dust in the closet. )

It's a process, I know.  And eventually we'll get to the point where our house is pretty and organized... I'm not expecting Martha Stewart, but at least to the point where I can actually close my closet doors and to where I know where everything is so I'm not running around like a mad woman at 6:30 in the morning going "I Know I have a black sweater where is it?"  and then have to change because I can't find the dumb black sweater.

That's about it for now.  I know there was more i wanted to share-   I always sound so introspective and wise when I'm composing posts in my head as I swim.. but then its out of the pool and "dang its cold"  followed by "ugh whats with all the kids"  which then leads to "Hmm a post workout recovery shake sounds good"  followed by a drive home and "lalala- I love being able to listen to my Ipod in my car"  and then off to the grocery store.. and then FINALLY I'm home in front of my computer and I have absolutely NO idea what I had intended on saying.  *heavy sigh*

So I'll wrap it up now!

Trying to Find My Way Back

I know- its been a really, really long time.  At the never ending badgering suggestion of some friends, I decided to blow off the dust from the old blog and tri again.  Speaking of Tris... the knee- not so great. Running- probably never going to be something I can do.  So, I find myself stuck in this in between place of not knowing really where I'm going anymore.  Tri's are probably out of the question for the moment. This summer, if I can hack it I think I'm going to try for some swimming races in Indiana and Wisconsin (Sidenote: What do these swimming races have against Illinois? Last I checked there is a HUGE lake right smack dab at the top of the state that a certain THIRD LARGEST CITY IN THE COUNTRY borders)  but hey, what do I know.

If you follow SMT on Facebook, you probably noticed I've been checking into Brutus new gym---  yep the dynamic duo is back in action.  He has a new gym that close to me (yay)  so  we're working out TWICE (yes, twice) a week now...  and after our separation, I have a sneaking suspicion that Brutus jumped on that 50 Shades of Gray bandwagon this summer and *might* be under the impression that being whipped into shape also should include pain, and agony.  I'm quite certain that Brutus has become a masochist... okay he probably was before too but now it's like to the Nth degree.  I am a sweaty, drippy puddle of goo at the end of every session... not that I'm complaining (Brutus if you are reading this I am NOT complaining.. *whimper* please go easy on me tomorrow)

I have a new job which I love (yay for employment)  and I'm slowly trying to find my way back again. My issue now is trying to figure out how to get back into the pool- as my old gym (Lifetime) while t was close to the old job  is nowhere near the new one... and their other locations are also nowhere near the new job.  Sadly, there isn't a gym within any sensible radius of the new job...   I wish that there was just a place with a pool -  just a pool- thats all I need.  When I was a kid, I used to be able to go and swim at the local high school for like $2 bucks a day or something like that... I'd even do that if they still offered it.  I don't need fancy schmancy gyms or classes or spas and juice bars just me and the pool.

I tried convincing my husband the cost/benefits of installing an indoor, in-ground pool in our backyard (or what woudl be left of our back yard if we added a pool)...  he didn't go for it.  Damn.

Anyhow~ I'm still not quite sure where I'm headed or what I'll be doing... but hopefully I'll be taking the blog along for the ride.

Inspirational Women, In Honor of Mother's Day #CleverHaiti and #spon

This Mother's Day, I'm working with Clever Girls in support of Macy's Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the "trade, not aid" program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake. Thank you to Macy's Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart" promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

Taken in Minnesota- on a boat.
She was re-entacting the "Titanic" scene.

In Honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to tell you about a truly inspirational woman.  She is no longer with us, she passed away a few years ago, but having been lucky enough to know her, I am honored to be able to share with you an interesting story about her.  This is my husband's grandma.  Her name was Lenore.  My husband and I have known each other since 1997, so by extension, I've known Joe's grandma for roughly the same amount of time.  You always learn such interesting stories about people at their funerals.  Lenore was no exception to this.

She was a nurse during World War II.  My husband's grandfather, John Henry, was a marine stationed in the South Pacific.  Their love was like many during that time frame.  Letters back and forth, during one of the countries bleakest times.  However, Lenore, so worried about her (eventual) husband's safety, she prayed daily for his safe return.  In her daily prayers, she also promised that in exchange for John's safe return, she would give up her favorite drink:  coffee.  Quite a sacrifice for a nurse.  John made it home safe and sound. They got married had and raised 7 kids.  Lenore worked the graveyard shift at the hospital so she could stay at home during the day and take care of her kids.  And for her entire life-  she never - never- drank another cup of coffee again... because that is what she had promised in exchange for John Henry's safe return.

I usually refrain from talking about religion, because there are a gamut of beliefs and views out there... but this is not necessarily about faith.  Her commitment to her promise speaks volumes about the amount of faith, commitment and love she had both for God and her husband.  Lenore is a perfect example of someone we should all strive to be like.  Committed 100% to whatever it is that we strive to accomplish.   Being "all in" in regards to loving, and believing that faith in a person and your commitment to them is all that you need to get through life, is something we can all aspire to do.  Regardless of religion or even relationship...  that level of commitment can be applied to practically anything in our lives, and is something we can all strive for.  And, for me personally,  she is someone I aspire to be on a daily basis.  To live your life with that much faith, and that much commitment to your faith, to me is absolutely inspirational.   I love that I am able to share a piece of her with all of you, especially on a significant day such as Mother's Day.

What is Macy’s Heart of Haiti? Heart of Haiti is a “Trade, Not Aid” initiative launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country. Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.   Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com.

Emotional Hard Limit

It's been a while, I know.  Ive been at a loss as to what to say or how to say what I need to.  The weeks of abuse I have imparted on my limbs in an attempt to force them into submission,  unfortunately reared up in protest- and I have been sidelined by the orthopedist.  Meaning-  no triathlons for me- all season, unless as he so aptly put it- I want knee replacement surgery by the time Im 40.  He told me I need PT to strengthen the muscles in my quads and calves to help support the knee joint and no running- not even on an elliptical.

This has become another nail in the proverbial coffin of my ever depleting self worth.  Yet another thing that I have managed to not do right.  I know the saying goes that shit rolls down hill-  well, I feel like Im sitting in the valley, and it just keeps piling on.

I have hit my limit of things I can take on, fret over, or even entertain.  I am just really overwhelmed right now, and am going to be taking a step back.  I haven't blogged in a while anyway, but I need to take a time out and reevaluate and refocus the plan going forward.

I have a blog post due which I already agreed to, discussing  Macy's Heart of Haiti project, which I blogged about last year as well- but after that post, I'm going to be going dark for a while as I regroup.

To Running On Our 2 Month Anniversary

Dear Running,

Things just aren't working out with us.  Why the disconnect?  I am reminded of a Beatles Song...

You say "Yes", I say "No".You say "Stop" and I say "Go, go, go".Oh no.You say "Goodbye" and I say "Hello, hello, hello".I don't know why you say "Goodbye", I say "Hello, hello, hello".I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.I say "High", you say "Low".You say "Why?" And I say "I don't know".

We're at the 2 month mark.  We should be friends by now.. or at least frenemies.  I don't know why you make me hurt so much.  You're making it very hard to like you.  No matter where we spend time together, on a treadmill, a bike path, grass, sidewalks, asphalt-  the story is always the same.  The only time we get along is on an elliptical.  As much as I hate to say it, I think I may want to leave you for walking.  Walking and I are just better friends than us right now-  and you and I can keep in touch via the elliptical.  I don't know what to do with you running.  Part of me says that we should cut our losses, and part of me thinks that maybe we still need to push through our rocky patch.  But when do you know when to give up and cut your losses and when do you know to push through?    I've decided that you and I need to get some counseling.  I'm planning to see a specialist next week about the pain you cause me...  maybe, as another Beatles song goes "We Can Work It Out".

I Am The Face of Bullying

Thanks to The Bully Project for sponsoring my writing. Visit their website to join the movement and learn more.

This is me (in the Pink Esprit)  at age 11, at the beginning of Junior High.  That's when it started.  The names, the jokes behind my back, the passing of notes about me in classes...  I didn't have a whole lot of friends.  My "old" friends had moved on to their new social circles in their new junior high. I was trying to navigate my way and find a place within friend structures that had been established in kindergarten or later on in grade school.  My parents were divorcing (practically unheard of in a Catholic school), I was having issues with knees (which developed into full blown knee problems) and essentially my world was falling apart.  It was a battle zone at home, and a battle zone at school.  Because of my knees,  I had to miss a lot of gym class... then because I was teased for always missing gym class  I would just miss school all together thinking that would solve the problem.  Instead it only increased the fodder. Teachers, students, they all joined in on the fun. My 8th grade year book has a "where will they be in 20 years" at the back of it... mine says "She will finally have come to school enough days to graduate".


There are lots of different forms of bullying.. not just the slam a kid up against the lockers kind.  Girls don't deal in physical bullying.  Girls get psychological.  Girls get mean.  I wish I could say that I am one of those people who will stand up to you and make you back down-  or at least try to tell you my 7th and 8th grade self was.  I wasn't, however.  By nature, I'm a pleaser.  When people don't like me, instead of brushing it off with an "I don't care" attitude, I spend too much time and energy trying to figure out why they don't like me.. and how I can get them to like me.  Couple this with a kid who has been "trained" to emotionally ball into a fetal position and surrender instead of standing their ground when having to battle the "mean girls" (and in all actuality, the "mean guys" too), because of the battleground in their home.  What happens when a bully realizes you are an easy target that isn't going to fight back and isnt going to tell on them?  


Once I graduated from that school and moved on to my high school I thought everthing would be different, it would all change now that I was in a new school getting a fresh start with dozens of other girls also getting a fresh start in a new school. Unfortunately I was battle weary and really had a hard time trusting anyone...and not everytime but there were enough times even in high school where I had put my trust in someone only to have it shredded and passed around a very small school like a toy.  I withdrew, kept to myself,  secretly hoping to be noticed, liked, befriended.  I was the "weird" one that people knew but didn't socialize with...  who wasn't an outcast, but didn't get invited to parties either.  Some of those people still feel I'm the "weird" one... but the difference now? I really couldn't care less.  


Adult me realizes that if people are still judging you based on who  they think  you used to be... that they aren't even worth a second of thought.  They do not deserve to rent out space in your head or heart.  Adult me, wants every child who is bullied to know that while those words hurt and sometimes its hard to muddle through another day,  that it will be o.k. 

While some people may think that you are a 

... the problem is with them  not you.  

I've made my peace with my past.  While I would never, ever want to re-live it; I have accepted what it was, and have used it to fuel me on the days when I feel unmotivated.  There were days when I was young, when I got so low, and the emotional pain was so bad, that I would have rather been dead than have to endure another day of being the butt of everyone's jokes.  I look back on those days now amazed  that I would ever let small minded people force me to hate myself that much.  


Because if I had rolled over and let the haters win, 




                                                            I would be here

                                                  
                                                               Instead of here

Bullying is a very serious issue these days, and The Bully Project, a movie about child victims of bullying is a must see for parents and their children.  What better way to open the dialogue with your child about bullying, bullies, and the effects of unkind words, than a night out together watching this film.  Please take a moment to view the trailer below.  











I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. Find showings in your area for The Bully Project and buy tickets here.

Channeling Your Inner Flintstone

I don't know if this is common everywhere,  but here in Chicago there is a joke that everything is "like ten minutes away"  even if in reality is like 45.  So, yesterday when I decided to ditch the gas guzzling SUV in favor for the bike to run my handful of errands I figured "those stores are like a minute down the street they're not far at ALL  I can easily take my bikes to run my errands".  Fast forward a few hours and a soaking wet, saddle sore Me grumbling back into my driveway and switching out the bike for the car.

There were a few problems with my plan.

1.  While everything appears to be close when you're in your car, driving possibly ten (ok maybe 15) miles over the speed limit.. of course everything appears close.    I made it to one of my four stores on bike.

2.  When riding a bike and trying to wear your purchases in a pack on your back, it really throws off your ability to balance, especially when said things are heavy and shift frequently.

3.  I do not live in a bike friendly area.  Every street is at least four lanes, if not more.  Most lights do not have cross walks or those little pedestrian thingies that you can push to get the traffic to stop.  In addition, its apparently illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk (which I learned last year)  but even still- the sidewalks in this town are almost non-existent,.. and when there is a sidewalk it stops suddenly and inexplicably.


So  the movies got returned, and I picked up a few things at the Jewel... but after that I said bleep this, rode home and drove to my other errands.  It never dawned on me that the Jewel that I drive to practically every day (not just for the jewel theres like a billion things in that strip mall that I frequent)  is actually four miles from my house-  it does not seem that far to me at all.     So a total of 8 very slow, expletive filled miles yesterday in place of the car.  Id say that is enough of a contribution towards being green for one day :)