Monday, August 31, 2009

Ahh the Weekend

So, remember how on Friday after skipping my workout to hang out with friends, I swore to myself that I would wake up early on Saturday morning and head to the gym?
Yeah-  didn't happen.
Classes started this week for me and my husband, so Saturday was a mad rush to get to the bookstore (his)  before it closed (at noon) 
:Tangent-  college bookstores:  I don't understand why on earth college bookstores would open at nine and close at noon the Saturday before classes start.  That to me is just beyond any form of intelligent reasoning.  So, everyone and their mother (literally...and throw in a couple of dads and probably some siblings as well)  are crammed into a tiny bookstore probably the size of a "large" studio apartment in New York, elbowing past each other trying to find which of the seven Macroeconomics books on the shelf pertain to their class.  Its just insane.  It would make far more sense to be open on both Saturday and Sunday and offer some semblance of a normal time period so that people could come by and pick up their "revised edition" books that aren't acquirable online from a used book source or on Ebay, or Amazon, thus resulting in spending a small fortune equatable to a down payment on a Ford Focus for books.  So, thank you book store and book publishers for having ridiculous hours, and prices. :end tangent:

Anyhow-  I had plans to get together with some friends from high school for an outdoor concert on Saturday night, so after the book store was running to the grocery store to get things for the picnic at said concert. Also, I live about an hour and half away from said concert so time slipped by at a ridiculously fast pace on Saturday and I just didn't find the time  to go the gym.
I know, it sounds like excuses, and honestly perhaps it is, but it is what it is now.  And fear not because I got my come-uppance in the end.

Said outdoor concert was apparently popular with the over 60 crowd, so much so that every parking lot for the concert venue was full 2 hours prior to the concert.  Which resulted in our having to park at the ass end of the earth and hoof it to the main gate.  Keep in mind this is 4 women, intent on having a good time, loaded down with enough food and wine to feed a small Ethiopian tribe probably for a week, at least (we overpacked-by a lot)  and in flip flops (the kind my podiatrist yells at me for wearing every time I see her)  the $3.99 cheapie kind, from Walgreens.  

On the way there, the walk wasn't so bad. (granted we were walking at a Toddlers Pace as the child didn't fit in her stroller -thanks to the aforementioned over packing of food)  Weighed down with tables and bags even didn't phase me, and I thought "hmm maybe this whole Triathlon thing is starting to pay off"... I felt pretty good about myself.  That is, until the exit.

A gallon of Sangria later, toddler in the stroller, arms full of bags full of untouched food and the table, we head back the way we came.... this time a pace much faster than previous.  Keep in mind my friends are all in insane shape.  A Triathloner, a Marathoner, and a "boot-camp"er and then me... the huffy puffy tubby triathlete-wannabe.  By the time we hiked the length of the parking lot, I was sweating, when we made it down the first block, I was hurting, by the time we got to the car, I was seriously questioning how I am ever going to run a triathlon when I can't even keep pace with a few friends, carrying maybe an extra five or ten pounds of bulky bags and a table.  Ok maybe it was closer to ten pounds, but regardless, it was a not a far distance.  And the pace was a clip but its not like they were running.   A Quarter of a mile....... and I'm supposed to run five?  Whoops, darn metric system-  grr run three... not five, its a five K not a five M-  oy vey

I know,  had I asked, my friends would have gladly slowed down for me. But that's not the point.  The point is what if I'm working for a goal that is totally unattainable?  What if I have set my sights so high that the realization of failure is going to come crashing down on me. 

I have a problem with my left foot.  Ive had it since I was in about 2nd grade.  My foot turns in just slightly.  They caught it after I repeatedly would get disqualified while swimming the breaststroke because they thought I was flutter (Freestyle) kicking instead of frog (breaststroke) kicking.  My parents gave me the option of wearing the required brace or waiting to see if it straightened out on its own.  It didn't.  By junior high it was affecting my knees.  Growth spurts, and weight gain had aggravated a problem in my knees... the problem was there anyway - my knee caps slip and lock-  but the weight and getting taller accelerated the problem.  My parents were mired in a messy divorce, and when my mom did take me to a doctor, they told her to take me to a shrink because the knee problem was because of the weight gain and the weight gain was a result of my parents divorcing.  Well separating.. they didn't divorce til a long time later, but that is a post for a different day.  The ankle problem of years past wasn't even thought of, no one ever bothered to consider that is where the problem originated.  At 13 something still could have been done to rectify the ankle.  At 30, there is nothing that can be done.  My foot will permanently be turned inward.  It's very slight, you wouldn't even be able to notice it unless you looked very closely.  The problem really isn't the turned foot, it's the resulting damage to the tendons that concerns me.  

The podiatrist told me that because of the inward turning foot, the tendons didn't develop properly.  So, when I lift my foot, the tendons should pull the ankle off the ground, but instead of pulling it off the ground it peters out halfway through the motion which forces the ankle back on the ground again.  The result is what is perceived as dragging my feet (well, my foot really- mainly it's the left one that this affects)  

My family, for as long as I can remember, always just assumed I was slow and lazy, that my foot dragging was no more than a weak attempt at actually trying to keep pace.  The criticism has been endless from all family members telling me to pick up my feet, stop dragging my feet, how can I walk like that, pick up the pace, walk faster, don't shuffle etc etc etc.  After a while I gave up trying to keep up with any of them, and I just walk at my own pace.   Most of the time they all walk on by, leaving me behind, but I'm used to it now its been happening for so many years it has just become the way it is at this point.  

I'm really afraid though that as I'm running that foot is going to come down at the wrong time, and I'm going to trip, or roll over my ankle or catch the top of my shoe and bend it many things go through my head that I worry about.   I mean, I know I'm still a year out surely this is stuff to worry about later and not now.  Now I should just be focusing on plugging along slow and steady, but I seriously have a hard time doing that.  

I walked the treadmill today, 1.0 incline at between a 3.0 and a 3.5 ( I got bored with the straight walking thing, so today I did one of the preprograms...actually was quite fun)  I did a mile in 23 minutes.  23 minutes for a mile.... again, and I'm supposed to do 3.2 in about thirty after swimming a quarter mile and biking 22. I feel great though.  I probably could have gone for more, but at the moment I'm only supposed to be going for 20 minutes.  My gait, however, must be fairly uneven, because if I don't hold the handlebars my left foot forces the the belt or whatever its called on a treadmill to push up and throw off the smooth rotation.  I know that's that tendon thing again...and if it shows up on a treadmill... i wonder how it will show up on a concrete run.

For now, I guess it's just brick by brick.  I guess I need to adopt a "One Day At A Time" kind of mentality.


Friday, August 28, 2009

Sooo maybe I took a day off....

Ok, there was totally a plan in place to go to the gym from work, but then life happens, friends that you are never able to get together with because of schedules suddenly become free, and you jump at the opportunity because staying connected to people is what life is all about right?
So, the plan is to drag my happy rear out of bed in the morning and head to the gym  then.  My weekend is unbelievably packed so, tomorrow morning will be my only opportunity to get some exercise in.

So, not much to blog about today... however.. I've started reading some of the other blogs..mostly other triathletes, runners, swimmers etc.  So, I noticed on one lady's blog she talked about pushing herself so hard she crapped her pants.  Um, I'm sorry, but quite frankly, if you are to the point that you shit your pants-  haven't you exceeded the tolerance level that your body can take.  Perhaps if you have to push yourself to that type of limit, perhaps the Hawaii Ironman is just too much of a physical toll.    That kind of extreme is just something I don't get.  Maybe someone can explain that to me, but if the satisfaction of leaving a doodie in your shorts and having to sit with it for another however many miles til you finish your marathon... 1.  why on earth would you even mention it in a blog?  2.  How uncomfortable to be running with a wad in your pants the length of the marathon.  

Seriously, if I ever get to the point (and from where I'm sitting right now that would laughably be a point that I can't even see over the Mt. Everest of training I would need to do) where I'm sitting at a table excitedly talking about how I pushed myself past my physical limits and lost control of all of my bodily functions... someone will need to find a stretcher and take me away somewhere, because I can not see how that would ever, in any stretch of the imagination be considered, in my book, a glowing accomplishment.

And another thing, while I'm on the tangent of other bloggers.  What is with all these bloggers asking for money?  Like the "Oops I crapped my pants" girl.  She says that if her training has helped me in any way, that I should consider donating to her through her nice little paypal link.
Um... well, your blog has taught me to consider running with Depends.  Other than that, no, nothing notably worth while that couldn't be found in numerous blogs across the blog-o-sphere.  What ever happened to offering advice, helping your fellow man, extending a hand without expecting anything in return.  Why should anyone feel like they have to pay for something so minuscule?

Seriously, if you find what I write to be funny, insightful, helpful, annoying; if you find yourself rolling your eyes at me, or whatever emotion I evoke.. great. That's good enough for me.
I think bloggers seem to forget that they are blogging for themselves, not for other people.   It's not like a bunch of strangers called my house and said "Hey stranger, I don't know you, but ever considered running a triathlon?  Why not blog about it, so we can read it."

Aside from the fact that you are on a free freaking site.  I mean "Blogger" is provided at no charge to whomever sets theirs up.  I made the choice to purchase a domain name, and have it forward to blogger, mainly because I just wanted a website address that didn't have "Blogger" in it.   However, I'm certainly not going to make anyone else donate to me because I choose to write what's in my brain.    

Alright :end tangent:  :-)

Have a good night everyone!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Blogging in my mind.. great distraction....and thats about it

So, I must admit, as I have been working out, I have a running commentary in my head of things that I could include in my blog. They sound great at the time...some of them even make me laugh (well as much "laughing" you can do when you are either a)under water or b)huffing and puffing )

Regardless, I'm sure if my brain were hooked up to some form of auto feed as I swam or biked or ran, you would laugh your pants off...or be VERY insulted by the never ending trail of expletives that I scream in my head as I sweat. Unfortunately, by the time I leave the gym and make it home I have already forgotten what things I was mulling over in this ole brain of mine.

For now... I guess I'll bore you with the small details.
It was a swim day. A great swim day might I add. I think it must have been the nuts that I ate before leaving work. Trader Joe's has these little individual size packets of nuts and berries (I forgot the name of them, and I'm not going to take the time and break my stream of consciousness to go into my kitchen to find out.) But, if you go in the nut aisle.. you will find them : big bag containing a bunch of little bags. Good stuff.

Anyhow- my swim...phenomenal. Currently, I can't lift my arms because I had a nice long intense set of backstroke/freestyle sprints with my paddles. Which by the way, I love paddles. Not only do they make you feel like you are really toning your arms, but they make you look really smooth and sleek in the water, plus you move really fast with them on. So, after leaving the pool and going back to the changing room.. I spent five ridiculous minutes trying to get my bra back on, because I could not reach around my back or lift my arms up because they were fairly tired, so the girls hung free on my way out. I am just the pinnacle of class aren't I?

Well, I came home and literally made a mad dash to the computer. I can't really remember what else I wanted to blog on (I'm sure whatever it was, was as prolific as this piece of prose has been) so, I'm going to peace out for the moment. Dinner still awaits and a bit of TV time.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Cycle Fit & Posers

Today was a bike training day.  Since I now know (and thank GOD that I did not over-estimate my abilities and join a spin class) that the "Cycle Fit" class is  more my caliber (read: slow, sweaty, huffy-puffy, beginner), this is going to be worked into my regimen   in rotation with the swimming and the walk/jog.

So, this morning when I left for work, I grabbed the workout bag that has been sitting in my trunk for a while (because I've been strictly a swim workout for a couple of months now)  When I got to the gym, I realized my "Workout T-shirt"  was a shirt my dad picked up for me on one of his trips out to California.   I'm sure you're wondering "Who cares what T-Shirt you are wearing"  Well, it wouldn't be a problem except the T Shirt said "Stanford Swimming" 

First of all, I do not possess anywhere near the acumen to even dream about ever attending Stanford... and then on top of it, to be part of the number one most elite of all swimming schools in the country,  is totally laughable (especially considering I am no where near a swimmers physique).   Walking around with a "Stanford Swimming"  Tshirt would be like walking around with a noticeably fake Hermes bag.   (If you are scratching your head on the metaphor... Hermes is probably THE most expensive hand bag on the market...and are fairly hard to knock off.. so carrying around a fake one would be obvious to most people that you are a total poser.... just like me in the Stanford Swimming T-shirt.

So, there I am, the Tubby Triathlete  in the Cycle Fitness class, sweating my ass off, praying to gods of religions I don't subscribe to, just to make sure I have my bases covered, just  to get me through the half hour class.   I made it however (ok,.. I did stop once and fake an untied shoe so I could stop the burning in my feet.) thinking I'm doing fairly well, until I made the mistake of stealing a glance at the mirror in front of me.  First of all, no matter what the author of "Slow Fat Triathlete"  says... spandex is NOT your friend.  And watching the jiggles and the joggles as I huffed and puffed was enough to turn ME off from that cycle class.. I won't be surprised if I come in Friday and the mirrors are blacked out.

To backtrack for one second....has anyone else had an insane burning in their arches like I experienced?  The arches of my feet felt like they were on fire. I'm not sure if it's just poor muscle tone in my arches (if one can tone foot arches?) or because of the sunken nature of them.  I technically have inserts from the podiatrist that I'm supposed to be wearing (its just so hard to cram them plus my feet in gym shoes)  but perhaps I'll have to try that with the next class... as that could be the reason for the burn in the arches.

Anyhow, Cycle Fit... *thumbs up*  (albeit a sweaty, tired, half hearted thumbs up because that's as high as my arm can go right now)


Going Public!

Normally, I am a ridiculously private person. I don’t really share much with many people.. good or bad. After a fairly rocky childhood, I have somewhat come to believe that the only person who will always be there for me and never let me down… is me. So, I find it really, really difficult to ask for help… to me I would rather cut off my left arm, boil it, season it and eat it for dinner (you should be thinking “woah” right now..especially since I am a vegetarian.)

I think that I also tend to keep things private, because just in case I try something and I fail, no one knows that I failed, so I can’t be judged, castigated, looked down upon, etc by anyone for not being able to do whatever it was I set out to do. Believe me, I know there are people that would relish the opportunity to make sure to keep me down with their comments and criticism.. so I need to balance the negative with the positive. I know people will probably think I am insane for setting a Triathlon for a goal.. instead of setting a more attainable goal like “Lose 20 Pounds” but personally, at this juncture in my life I think it’s time to Go Big or Go Home.

So, keeping this in mind… this blog is a way to force myself out of my usual “suffer in silence” zone, and actually try to connect with people and find a network of support. I’m hoping that if I know that people believe in me, the positive support will buoy me through the rough days. And of course, to use yet another swim analogy…You wouldn’t just dip your toe into a freezing cold pool, then your leg, torso arms etc… if one wants to “get over” the initial shock of the cold, they take a running cannonball leap into the water and over stimulate their senses.

I have decided to do this by reaching out and building my network of support. After I finish posting this blog, I am going to put an announcement up on Facebook that I have started this thing, and you know once something is on Facebook, it’s official. There will be no turning back, without me having to eat major crow for giving up. But, I need to prove to myself and mini-me in my brain telling me I’ll never be able to do this, that I’m in this for the long haul- and no matter what my butt will be at that start line come next June.

Here I come world....


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Public Lap Pools are like High School Lunch Rooms

Imagine, it's your first day of high school, and you are heading to the cafeteria for your lunch hour. You have your tray of food, and scan the room... jocks at a table, preppy girls at another, weirdo's at another, etc. You make your way to a table, hoping you'll fit in when you sit down. We were all there... the self consciousness thoughts, hoping desperately you will be accepted, walking past table after table wondering if people are staring at you, and if that whisper you caught was referring to you. Now imagine yourself, making that walk in a bathing suit, with people staring up at you from designated lanes. 

You can see in their eyes a glimmer of hesitation, and you know they are thinking "Do not get in my lane".  So, to save the rest of you from possibly ruining someone's workout, annoying them, embarrassing yourself, preventing you from getting in over your head and give you an idea of where you can start your swim workout, I have broken down into categories the types of swimmers you will find on an average day at an average pool.

My pool has five lap lanes. On any given night, four out of the five lanes are doubled up (2 people to the lane). Most lanes are filled with the Uber-Jock (also known as the Ironman, or the Super Triathlete... or "Elites" if we are using technical racing terms) They are most easily identified by their multi colored swim caps touting the last Ironman they competed in, their Swedish goggles that they wear because they heard all the Olympians like them, and their head to toe body suits. They will have a gamut of materials with them at the pool's edge. Fins, Stroke Paddles, Pull Buoy, Kickboard, a bottle of power ade or some other form of electrolyte drink, and their very precise workout regiment, usually wrapped in a plastic bag or possessing some other form of water proofing. The Elites are pretty much untouchable. Unless you are of their caliber, don't even think about thinking about getting into a lane with them. They won't share, and in the off chance they decide to get into a lane with you... be prepared.. if you are not as experienced of a swimmer, they will over power you, intimidate you, hog the lane, and make you feel like you are swimming in oceanic waters with a category 4 hurricane coming in. Usually if an Elite tries to share a lane with me, I just leave. Its not worth the hassle for me.
(:Sidenote: Women Elites are a hundred times easier to share with, much nicer, less arrogant, and much more respectful of space) If you have to share...choose a woman Elite over a man Elite.

After the elites, you have career swimmers, also technically know as "Masters Swimmers". These are the types that swim on a daily basis as their form of exercise. Most of them swam in college, and have continued on into their professional lives.  A "Master Swimmer" is group that meets at most gyms and Y's, usually 3 times a week for 2 hours.  They swim intense regimens to stay in shape and compete against other Masters Swim Clubs once a month.

  If you were applying them to another avenue of exercise, they would be your step-aerobics or Pilates 3 kind of people.  They usually can be identified by their lap-swim specific bathing suits, goggles (just your run of the mill Speedo's, Nike, TYR etc- that can be purchased at Dicks or Keifer Swim Shop), water bottles, kick boards, fins, paddles etc. They are in the pool to git'er done. If you are not an experienced swimmer, or can not swim more than a stroke without stopping, this is another "table" you don't want to sit at. If you have to, they are much easier to swim with than the elites... but should also be avoided if you are not of their caliber.

After career swimmers, you have your regular or seasoned swimmers. They are usually just a slight step down from the career folk. They are usually seasoned swimmers either just getting back  into the sport, or have developed enough swimming acumen to be fast enough and strong enough to complete a full swim workout. Seasoned swimmers look pretty much like career swimmers, but they usually are not wearing signature lap suits (the ones that are cross backed and designed to help repel water and high necked). They are usually wearing average suits you can find at any department store. They will be experienced enough to be doing flip turns, watching the sprint clock to time their passes. The only difference between the seasoned swimmer and the career swimmer is time. They are slower than the career swimmer, and have shorter passes (ie a career swimmer can usually go at least 400 yards before breaking or switching to a different stroke or focus) a seasoned swimmer will usually swim in smaller groupings.. a seasoned swimmer just getting started again will usually swim in 100 yard passes, and move up to 200 yard passes and beyond.

Seasoned and Career swimmers are the most compatible for lane - share.

After the seasoned swimmer, you have the water aerobic folk, or the ones who swim at a glacial pace just to say they are swimming. Usually are the easiest to share lanes with, but if you are of the seasoned or career category, they are the most frustrating to share with next to elites, because of said glacial pace. You can identify them by their bloated swim trunks, or the suits with skirts, their ginormous Wal-Mart goggles, and no swim cap. They also are not familiar usually with pool etiquette and do not bother to keep to circle swim or side/side and instead take up the whole lane and don't pay attention to you while you are swimming and end up running into you repeatedly.

Next up would be the hopeless cases. These are the ones who can't put their face in the water, who flap around back and forth up and down the lanes and believe they are getting a good swim workout. If you are scoping lanes.. these are usually the ones to wait by, as these hopeless swimmers tire easily, and usually don't spend more than ten minutes in a lane before exiting with a "wow, what a workout" remark to you as they get if you and them are in the same league.

So... in this corner..... at 5'9 weighing in at - NOYB.... iiiiitts Millie!
Using a Speedo Silicone cap, Speedo Vanquisher goggles, Speedo Pull Boy, TYR Paddles, TYR Kickboard, Fins ... and a bathing suit not from any reputable swimming store (because they do not go up that large...bastards)

That's it from this "Seasoned" Swimmer for today!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Built-In Distractions & Excuses

Well, today was a planned swim day, but with the start of fall semester, a new domain site that I just signed up for, and about a gagillion other things I found to distract myself with, instead of swimming at the pool, I am at home. The plan is to make today a "Run" day instead of a swim day.
I must get organized. The plan is to follow the "Couch to 5K Program" to train for the running portion. The first few weeks are more walking and jogging for short spurts. This I know I will be able to survive. It's when we get down to full on running, I'll be praying that I don't die.
At the moment, I am swimming 1400 Yards which consists of:

4 x 150: Free (50) Breast (50) Back (50)

Followed by 100 Back
100 Breast
100 Free

4 Suicides : Sprint 50 free
Slow 50 Breast

Cool Down: 50 Back/ 50 Breast

This changes rotation with stroke focused/kick focused plans.

But, I'm sure most people don't really much care exactly what I'm doing in the pool.

I can't say that after last Monday's "Fat Bitch showdown" with an Ironman, that I'm not exactly enthused with the thought of returning to the pool today, so I guess finding an "excuse" to skip a pool day came easier than it normally would.

The Ironmen are still in training for I believe it's the Madison Ironman event. So they have monopolized the five very small lap lanes at my gym. When I used to have a membership at the Y I was all for sharing lanes (ok that's not 100% true- I would begrudingly share a lane, if I had to... but most of the time I am a one person per lap lane kind of person)

However, at my current gym, the lap lanes are about half the width of a normal lap lane, my armspan during breastroke and butterfly strokes touch the lane dividers on either side. So, trying to share said unbelieveably, and restringly skinny lanes with another person is next to impossible. Try and squeeze a tubby triathlete, plus a bulky muscle-man in a lane, and it's laughably uncomfortable. So, typically, I wait until a lane opens up, which negates the necessity to share.

So, last Monday, aforementioned meat-head muscle man makes a beeline for the very lap lane that I am about to jump into after a thirty minute wait. I decide "screw him, I've been waiting thrity minites, Mr. Self-Entitled can not just breeze out of the locker room and into a lane without having to wait like the rest of us. I proceeded to jump in my lane, ignoring the "Hey....HEY!" from the opposite end if the lane. Mr Muscleman, insisting on getting my attention yells from the other end " THIS IS MY LANE". To which I replied, "Sorry, I've been waiting thirty minutes." He then tells me to share, to which I reply, you can share, you just got here. I pull down my goggles, kick off the wall to which I see him slap the water and call me a "fat bitch" before ducking under the lane and moving into the next one.

Everyone who I have told about my encounter said I should have reported him, but the satisfaction of the jerk getting evicted, was nothing compared to being able to keep my private lap lane.

So, instead Monday will be a run day, and Tuesday, when apparently no one feels like swimming and the pool is next to empty, will be my swim day...until my other class starts next month. Then, I will have to rework everything again.

Do I intentionally over-fill my calendar just so I have a built in excuse when things don't work out, and I end up having to quit? Definitely something to mull over, because it's almost like, in a month from now if I stop going to the gym, I can always say "oh well, school just got to be too much" and that is how I will justify it in my head instead of having to admit failure or defeat.

That, will not happen this time. Time constrained or not- I will find a way to make it all work.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

No Backing Out Now

I've created this blog, so that I have someone- be it a virtual someone-  to keep me committed to this insane adventure I have decided to embark on.  Why a triathlon? You may ask.
Well, inspired by the multitude of sizes of women who competed in this years Women's Sprint Triathlon, the driving force being a close friend of mine.  I figured if these women, of all shapes and sizes can get out there and do this so can I.   So what if I have 2 bad knees and a bad ankle- along the way, I'm hoping they will strengthen as the weight comes off. I have almost a year mind you. 

When you ask someone what the hardest part of a triathlon is, they all say the swimming, hands down.  Well, I already swim on average 1200-1400 yards daily, so I figured, if I already have the "hard part" nailed, then the rest will be gravy.  My Achilles heel, will be the run.  I've never been much of a runner, and at my current weight (which at this moment, I am not going to name but trust me, it's high)  I'm sure my feet, ankles, calves, thighs, hips are all screaming "Nooo!" in unison, but  it's just a matter of getting started.

I am armed with a copy of "Slow Fat Triathlete"  which is going to be my go-to bible,  since it seems there are others of the portly persuasion who have also heard this call to insanity.

I've promised myself that no matter what- I will compete.  Even if I have to walk it.  Even if I'm just starting the run portion when they are dismantling the stage, and people are pulling away... I will compete, I will finish.  I don't wait to be afraid of failure anymore.  Better to have tried and failed, then never to have tried at all right?  

Hang on, I'm sure it will be an interesting ride.