So, where is the kickstand?

Alright, I bought my bike last night. I ended up getting a GT something or other- not the one I originally was going to purchase. After finally getting some individualized attention at the bike store, I came to the conclusion that this bike (with the better frame and suspension - plus a comfier seat) was probably the better bet. It was only about forty dollars more so it wasn't the end of the world to get upsold. After getting the run down on my new bike, and getting the information jist from Jay my sales guy- he asks "So, do you have any questions?" Me- Yeah, where's my kickstand? Him- gives sideways look- Um, sports bikes don't typically have kickstands... they tend to get in the way during competitions...

Me- turning bright red..... Ohhhhhhhh.

So, clearly it's been a while since Ive been on a bike. It looks so pretty and shiny sitting in my garage... ok, ok fine- drag it out of me. NO I haven't ridden it yet. I'm actually really afraid of riding it. Why did I purchase a bike if I'm afraid of riding it? Well, biking is technically part of this whole Swim Bike Swim thing.... but all of my riding so far has been on stationary bikes. I haven't actually ridden a tried and true bicycle since high school and the last time I rode, it was a friends ten speed on this bike path near our school and huffed and puffed the whole time we rode it. I just remember my back muscles screaming in pain and aching like no tomorrow as I tried keeping up. I have this crazy ridiculous fear that I am going to get on the bike and forget how to ride, and end up falling over and hurting myself. Or, getting on my bike and careening down my driveway and getting hit by a car because I can't remember how to work it. I know, there is that saying "its like riding a bike" and so, really its not like the body forgets how to do it..but still the fear really is totally overpowering right now. I just don't want to make a total fool of myself.

Which, I guess in and of itself is total contradiction to EVERYTHING I am doing for this thing. Im pretty sure that this whole triathlon was about embracing life, doing without fearing, not listening to the naysayers...but somehow all of my self doubt, the overly critical little innner me, fears, etc have all manifested themselves into getting on this damn bike and peddling. I told myself I was waiting for my husband to get home so that he could essentially "watch" me ride until I felt secure riding- he just got home and is having dinner, but its already pitch black outside... so unless I really want to ensure that my nightmare becomes a reality biking in the dark probably isn't the wisest thing. So it will be take 2 tomorrow. I know I have to well- shit or get off the pot fairly soon with this thing- otherwise why am I even continuing with this fantasy that I can do this. I mean- I shelled out the dough for the bike- it's totally silly of me to be so petrified.

Heck- I even signed up for "Bike the Drive" yesterday with my little sister, because I figured it would be a good "warm up" to the triathlon. And yet here I sit giving in to the anxiety. Tomorrow- tomorrow will be the day- anxiety or not- looking like an idiot or not- street full of people or not- tomorrow I will ride my new bike.

Ive been trying to give my body a break to stave off this cold or whatever it is that I am getting. So I haven't gone to the pool yesterday or today. I'm still feeling a bit worn out, but I think I'm probably going to get back into the swing of things tomorrow- Im afraid of falling too far behind.

I have recently found some really interesting blogs, which I feel the need to pass along. The first is 344pounds.com
This blog is written by a man in South Carolina. A Year and a Half ago he started this blog he does at 344 pounds and has blogged his weight loss journey and I really enjoy reading what he has to say. Additionally there is a woman who has a blog called Tri Marni . she is a 3 time Ironwoman and a vegetarian and has some really amazing high protein healthy vegetarian recipes on her site. Another one definitely worth the check out.

Anyhow- I must get to the ever present homework :(
One month to go until class is finished for the semester.... I'm so glad that come May 1st I'll have a little over six weeks to totally and completely dedicate myself to the last leg of triathlon training.


~Millie