Its Just One of Those Days

Its just been one of those kind of days when seemingly everything is working against you. I woke up prepared to go to the pool this morning, only to realize I fell asleep last night before putting my clothes in the dryer (including all five of my swimsuits and all of my towels) scrapped that idea. Then I thought, OK when I get home, I'll grab my bike and I'll have a nice long ride instead. Well, my husband needed me to run to his school to pickup his new book, because he has the big whigs from corporate in his office this week and he wouldn't make it out to the bookstore before it closed at six. So, I race over there - get the book and then sit in stop and go traffic for an hour and twenty. OK I say, I can still get a good ride in before the sun goes down. I run into the house feed the dogs real fast and make a mad dash for my bedroom to change into some stretchy pants and a hoodie for my run. - and remember that all those wet clothes are still in the washing machine- and of course they also contain my workout pants. And yes I only own one pair. I refuse to buy another pair until I drop a size ... I refuse to enable myself into staying this heavy anymore. Buying any more clothes in this size will only encourage me to stay this size. So, one pair of workout pants it is.

The bike guy lectured me on the dangers of biking with pants that could possibly catch in the peddles, so I was afraid to bike in sweatpants. OK I figure- I'll just get a workout in on my WII instead. I turn it on, Batteries in the balance board are dead. -Figures- run around the house looking for batteries because of course Im not organized enough to keep them in one convenient location like a kitchen drawer. We have no batteries- So I steal them from my bedroom remotes (which reminds me ill need to put those back again). I get on- it yells at me saying I havent been on forever and oh im such a pudge and the whole "who are you" bit and "its been so long since youve been on, I have a hard time remembering" Ha Ha Wii Fit- but today is NOT the day.

Im about to start my run through the park when "the WII has lost communication with the remote, please dock it on the charging station to recharge it" are you BLEEPING kidding me !?!?!? Now I know that those people who had WII remotes through their plasma TV's that the news always talk about- didn't get them because they were over zealous with their game play- they threw them at the TV after a never ending string of ridiculousness.

So, now, instead- I sit ... and sulk. it 7:30 I havent even thought about dinner yet (because I was just going to "do a quick workout" before I started dinner. And of course I have the always present homework looming over my head. On the docket tonight a long involved paper on the meaning of life in Cormac McCarthy's "The Road".. oh joy.

I'm going to just chalk today up to Bad Day - 1 Millie - 0 and get a fresh start tomorrow. Clearly, my clothes will all be freshly laundered and dried in preparation for tomorrow morning's swim and will be better prepared tomorrow night for my run.

I have made a new mix for my run days with what I have decided to call "Interval Training" I have downloaded some sound effects that will signal me at "random" times during my workout to start running - followed by 2-4 minutes of really fast music with which I will run to. and then when the music changes go back to walking for a song and then back to running again... and repeat over and over again for 45 minutes. We'll see how much easier it is to "push myself" when there isn't really a landmark in front of me to focus on .. and its an auditory signal instead. Hopefully this will prevent the ole brain from stopping my feet from propelling past one block.

I'll keep ya posted on whether or not it works! Ive got to start upping my running. With only 10 weeks now until the Tri, I am grossly behind the 8 ball :(

~Millie

Casting Off My Chains of Fear

YES! I did it!!!! I faced my fear, I pushed back the self doubt, and I just got on and did it! No longer am I a slave to the Silver Bullet. The Silver Bullet is now a slave to me.... muuhahahaha. Ok- soooo maybe we are equal partners..... ok maybe 70/30 Bullet. Yes, that is what I have named my shiny new bicycle. Mainly, because well, he is Silver. And because my nickname in my glory pool days, was well- the Silver Bullet- because of my shiny silver swim cap and smoked goggles...well and because of the comparison "you swim like a bullet in the water" ...but if you think about all the movies and tv shows you see where someone shoots a bullet into the water- they tend to lose velocity upon entry fairly quickly...and then spin a bit and sink. So we'll just use the name the way it was meant to be understood.

I'm not gonna lie- I was very afraid. As I was going to sleep last night, a mini-panic attack came over me. I allowed my brain to start forming the unending "what if" scenarios- like "what if I cant ride a bike.. then what do I do- how would I even TELL everyone that I had to drop out because I can't ride a bike." "What if I fall and break my leg and it wont heal in enough time to do the triathlon" What if I lose motivation and end up not doing it. What if I train and train and train and still I am just not good enough to even consider competing. All these stressors coupled with this crazy depressing book I'm reading for one of my classes let my sleep fitful at best. I overslept this morning, totally missed the pool - I know- big GRR- especially considering how much anxiety I already have!

Long story short- I got home and I said- LOOK HERE BIKE! :insert Clint Eastwood Esque High Noon Showdown Music:
We need to come to an understanding....

So, I took it out of the garage.... sat on it and balanced for a few minutes, gradually rolled and braked down my driveway getting used to the hand brakes and the response on the bike and then I was off! Wind blowing in my hair- free as a bird.....

until I came to a corner. Yeah- corners you do not have on a stationary bike.... I'm definitely going to have to relearn corners. Also, I think for now it is probably wiser for me to NOT ride in neighborhoods and take my bike to the bike trail instead. For numerous reasons...

- Huge blind spot... totally cut off a truck turning down a street- apparently these old ears aren't as attuned as they used to be either.

- Corners- these are quite trouble some. I swing rather wide and rode over a few peoples lawns. Not a problem now because well who is worried about their lawn at this current point- but come sunnier weather and all these Stepfords will be out obsessing over ever strand.

- Sudden lack of and eventual resurgence of sidewalks. I had planned to ride a big loop around the neighborhood- do the same trail essentially as my jog trail, except where I usually turn back and head towards home I turned instead and continued to make a large loop along a road and planned to do about a 2 mile square around the neighborhood when lo and behold- the sidewalk just ends. Eventually I;m sure riding in the grass and gravel wont be a big deal, but considering it's my first day back in the saddle - haha no pun intended!- I figured I best stick with solid non giveable surfaces. So I turn around ... which lead me to problem numero quatro

- I have absolutely no sense of direction. I ended up lost in a maze of streets that essentially were only about a quarter mile from my house, but I was stuck in a maze of houses and culdesacs and never ending streets that only pushed me further and deeper into the depths of the wrong subdivision. I eventually found my way out to a main road and then could regain my bearings.

When you are a child riding your bike- or even one who has never stopped riding a bike from childhood to adulthood, I'm sure don't notice things like, bumps. But I felt every single last one of them. I started to purposely ride in the street so as to avoid going up and down the curbs. Gotta love jello butts- they can not tolerate any kind of shifting or jolting.


So, for now- a BIG woohoo! to me from me for grabbing the bull by the horns or...the bike by the handles as the case may be- and getting back on that old horse again. :) Facing fears feels so good !

~Millie :)

So, where is the kickstand?

Alright, I bought my bike last night. I ended up getting a GT something or other- not the one I originally was going to purchase. After finally getting some individualized attention at the bike store, I came to the conclusion that this bike (with the better frame and suspension - plus a comfier seat) was probably the better bet. It was only about forty dollars more so it wasn't the end of the world to get upsold. After getting the run down on my new bike, and getting the information jist from Jay my sales guy- he asks "So, do you have any questions?" Me- Yeah, where's my kickstand? Him- gives sideways look- Um, sports bikes don't typically have kickstands... they tend to get in the way during competitions...

Me- turning bright red..... Ohhhhhhhh.

So, clearly it's been a while since Ive been on a bike. It looks so pretty and shiny sitting in my garage... ok, ok fine- drag it out of me. NO I haven't ridden it yet. I'm actually really afraid of riding it. Why did I purchase a bike if I'm afraid of riding it? Well, biking is technically part of this whole Swim Bike Swim thing.... but all of my riding so far has been on stationary bikes. I haven't actually ridden a tried and true bicycle since high school and the last time I rode, it was a friends ten speed on this bike path near our school and huffed and puffed the whole time we rode it. I just remember my back muscles screaming in pain and aching like no tomorrow as I tried keeping up. I have this crazy ridiculous fear that I am going to get on the bike and forget how to ride, and end up falling over and hurting myself. Or, getting on my bike and careening down my driveway and getting hit by a car because I can't remember how to work it. I know, there is that saying "its like riding a bike" and so, really its not like the body forgets how to do it..but still the fear really is totally overpowering right now. I just don't want to make a total fool of myself.

Which, I guess in and of itself is total contradiction to EVERYTHING I am doing for this thing. Im pretty sure that this whole triathlon was about embracing life, doing without fearing, not listening to the naysayers...but somehow all of my self doubt, the overly critical little innner me, fears, etc have all manifested themselves into getting on this damn bike and peddling. I told myself I was waiting for my husband to get home so that he could essentially "watch" me ride until I felt secure riding- he just got home and is having dinner, but its already pitch black outside... so unless I really want to ensure that my nightmare becomes a reality biking in the dark probably isn't the wisest thing. So it will be take 2 tomorrow. I know I have to well- shit or get off the pot fairly soon with this thing- otherwise why am I even continuing with this fantasy that I can do this. I mean- I shelled out the dough for the bike- it's totally silly of me to be so petrified.

Heck- I even signed up for "Bike the Drive" yesterday with my little sister, because I figured it would be a good "warm up" to the triathlon. And yet here I sit giving in to the anxiety. Tomorrow- tomorrow will be the day- anxiety or not- looking like an idiot or not- street full of people or not- tomorrow I will ride my new bike.

Ive been trying to give my body a break to stave off this cold or whatever it is that I am getting. So I haven't gone to the pool yesterday or today. I'm still feeling a bit worn out, but I think I'm probably going to get back into the swing of things tomorrow- Im afraid of falling too far behind.

I have recently found some really interesting blogs, which I feel the need to pass along. The first is 344pounds.com
This blog is written by a man in South Carolina. A Year and a Half ago he started this blog he does at 344 pounds and has blogged his weight loss journey and I really enjoy reading what he has to say. Additionally there is a woman who has a blog called Tri Marni . she is a 3 time Ironwoman and a vegetarian and has some really amazing high protein healthy vegetarian recipes on her site. Another one definitely worth the check out.

Anyhow- I must get to the ever present homework :(
One month to go until class is finished for the semester.... I'm so glad that come May 1st I'll have a little over six weeks to totally and completely dedicate myself to the last leg of triathlon training.


~Millie

Two Months- Twenty Two Days... Begin Freakout

Ok- so, I noticed while I was doing some cleaning on the backend of my blog, that my countdown calendar now reads 2:22
two months, twenty two days. I really love double numbers (usually). When I see them, I always make a wish... but when I saw 2:22 the only wish I had was "God, I hope I make it!"

I think I might be getting sick. My throat is KILLING me. I really hope that it passes quickly and without antibiotics and that this doesnt morph into like strep throat. I have so much to do, to even start making a list of everything that needs to be done would send me into a panic. Over and Over again in my head- two twenty two, two twenty two, two twenty two.

I cant be sick. I need to be at the pool every day. I need to be running or biking every night. I will NOT make it if I don't start really buckling down. I finally found a bike. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow or Tuesday. I must say, I was very disappointed in the service at Performance Cycle. Unfortunately I'm sort of in between a rock and a hard place as far as having to patronize them- as there aren't many other bike specialty stores around me. I found them very very unhelpful though. We went in their on Saturday and I think I asked for help on at least three seperate occasions. Each time I got an "I"ll find someone to help you" then someone else would walk in and they would jump to help that person while my husband and I continued to meander the aisles looking at the different bikes. We ended up leaving after narrowing down my search to three separate bikes all in the mid three to four hundred range. I'm not spending more than that on a bike. I mean, some of the bikes in there are as much as a Ford Focus- but seriously I;m not in it to win it- I'm in it to just finish. Pretty sure I can do that on a cheap (er) bike. So, after narrowing down my three choices, we went to the bookstore and did our own research. I've decided to go with a GT. It's a Hybrid bike and felt really good while I was testing it out in the store. It was fairly comfortable and moderately affordable. Hopefully Mother Nature has given us our last piece of winter, so that I can start riding outside.
Once I have my bike, I think I'll feel better.

I spent the day with some friends who all ran the Shamrock Shuffle this morning. I got some training tips from them on how best to tackle the run leg- and after spending quite a long time talking with one of my friends who is a very seasoned Triathloner- I feel much much better about my lack of running. I may be under pace but at this point I'm only slightly under pace from what she said, and it appears that running is like swimming and biking when it comes to building endurance. I just need to keep plugging along.

Two Months 22 Days- in reality that is still thirteen weeks. A lot can change in thirteen weeks. I just have to hope that I don't get sick. I don't have any set backs and that I can really buckle in and get serious. With only 13 weeks left- I have no margin for slacking or lacsidaisical attitudes. I must stay the course or pay the consequence.

Quick Shout Out to all my Shamrock Shuffle girls- you guys rocked the house and I am SO dang proud of all of you! :)

<3

Happy Week Peeps.

~MIllie

Spandex is Not A Right, It's a Privilege

So, this morning, started off a bit rocky anyhow. Usually I'm up at about five thirty-ish (well that's when my alarm goes off anyhow) Then, I spent five minutes saying "five more minutes, five more minutes contemplating whether or not I can afford to skip the morning swim because I'm so warm and comfy in my bed, five minutes yelling at myself telling myself of course I can't afford to skip the morning workout- do I not realize there are ONLY 14 weeks left until the Triathlon. Then I usually lay in bed for about a minute or so more, and I'm up and out by 6:00.

One of my idiot dogs, who is getting older but seems to think he can still eat common household items and digest them with no problem (Think- Marley and Me and you have my dog) got into a bag of peas that I threw in the garbage because they were freezer burned, and ate them- all. This was a very large frozen pea bag might I add. So, the ahole was up all night panting and whining needing to be let out every half hour or so, to expel said peas. Needless to say, I did not get a lot of sleep. Usually, the dog wakes my husband up, and I can continue to sleep in a blissful unaware state until said husband tells me about the evenings goings on the next morning. However, over the past few weeks I seem to be a lighter and lighter sleeper. Who knows.

So, the alarm went off- I turned it off and said five more minutes, which turned into twenty. So, late start- plus traffic (for what reason I have no clue) plus empty gas- I got into the pool very late this morning.

You know how yesterday I said that the pool is relatively empty in the morning so it is a very fast swim- yeah today, the pool was packed. Apparently word got out how empty it is in the morning and everyone flocked to the pool. Grr.

All of these things already put in me a quasi-bad mood when in the ladies locker room is a gigundo poster from Vitamin Water that reads "Spandex is not a right, it's a privilege"

I took a look at it, immediately thinking "Oh, really?" and it reminded me of a post I made a few months back regarding seeing myself, in spandex (well, cotton stretchy pants but same idea) and how spandex is not my friend, regardless of what Slow Fat Triathlete said. Well Guess what, I changed my mind.

BS posters like this made me change my mind. Who is Vitamin Water to say who deserves to wear spandex? I know, its only an ad campaign but this stupid poster points to the same bs that society has been putting in womens head for decades. Sadly, fat seems to be the only acceptable discrimination left. I understand now, why SFT put an entire chapter in her book regarding spandex, because with posters like that- heavier people do feel ashamed to have something skin tight exposing all of their pudge and jiggles. But you know what, it makes running or biking a whole lot easier than if you were doing it in regular shorts or pants.

So, everyone, pudgy or super skinny should embrace their spandex pants while working out- who cares what you look like. You're working out right? Youre doing something to change yourself right? Clearly any hater that you may be afraid will comment has no brick to stand on since you are actually out there trying to make a change, right?

Heck- I do a walk of shame every day from the lockeroom to the pool in nothing but a bathing suit, with all my pudge, rumples and divits out there for the world to see. I used to, when I first started swimming again, about three years ago- walk out to the pool area with a towel wrapped around me- but I soon realized I would still have to get out of the pool and walk over to the towel area- so what did it matter if I hid behind a towel coming in- when going out I wouldn't be able to hide. I told myself, at least I'm doing something to change the way I look so who cares if the little hamsters on their treadmills and ellipticals that are looking into the pool area can see me- I'm here for the same reason they are.

You should adopt this attitude too. If you are comfortable rocking the spandex- do it. Who gives a crap what Vitamin Water or the world thinks about it. Screw them and their "privileges"


~Millie

Sharing the Wisdom of My Pool Experience

So, for those who are actually Triathlon trainers, or who wish to get better stamina in the pool. Here are my suggestions for you.

All of the triathlon or pool training schedules usually keep you regimented to a freestyle only workout. Now granted, the freestyle is most likely what you will be using come Tri day, there are numerous benefits to training in all four strokes- or at the very least three of four strokes. I know not many people have the ability to throw a butterfly out of no where. I mean, Ive been swimming forever, and even I'm too intimidated to randomly throw some of my slick butterfly moves in the midst of lap swimming. Mainly, because I kick up a lot of water and cause a lot of waves... not very lap pool etiquette friendly.

If you are totally inexperienced in the pool, following any of the swim programs are probably going to be too many laps for you to do. To start off with, I would suggest swimming as long as you are able to stamina wise (shoot for thirty minutes) and switch it up. When your body is tired from swimming freestyle, switch to breast stroke. When I first came back to the pool after twenty plus years away, I had little to no stamina in the pool. Breast stroke became my savior. I found it is much easier to do breast stroke when you are exhausted than it is to do a freestyle or even a backstroke. My own hypothesis on this is that your arms are staying underneath the water, and you are breathing with every stroke... whereas with freestyle and back stroke, there is much more movement in the arms and of course your face down with freestyle.

Anyhow... this is how I started:

1 lap freestyle
1 lap breast stroke
1 lap freestyle
1 lap breast stroke

and I would keep going until I was tired. I would stop, catch my breath and start again until I needed to stop again.

If you are afraid (as I was) of looking out of shape or stupid, bring a water bottle (which you should be doing anyway- as much as people want to insist you don't- you really do sweat in the water) and pretend to be taking a water break.
Or, if you find that you are stopping pretending for water breaks too often- stop to unfog your goggles or to readjust your swim suit. All of these tricks worth.

And trust me- the big bad lap swimmers who swim circles around you really aren't even paying any attention to you- at all. Even when they are recovering (ie resting against the wall catching their breath) they aren't paying any attention to you. They are either focused on their breathing, concentrating on the time clock, or thinking about what they are going to do next.

Once you build up the ability to swim two laps without stopping, switch to

2 laps breast stroke
2 laps freestyle

rest and repeat.

After you get the handle of that, you can introduce the backstroke into things:

2 breast
2 free
2 back

repeat

and, if you get really bored-

2 breast
2 free
2 back
2 kick board

Don't be afraid of tools such as the kickboard. First of all, it provides a really good lower body workout. It also gives you a "break" and allows you to catch your breath without looking obviously out of breath.

Also, once you become able to work up to a 1200 m set- you can introduce pull buoys, fins, and paddles into your workout.

If you are stictly tri training, you may not care too much about pull bouys and paddles, as these will help develop upper body strength and increase your pull ability in the water.

But, I highly suggest training with fins. For everyone who is tri-ing. I personally use Zoomers by Finis. They are roughly thirty bucks. I bought mine on swim outlet dot com. There are blue for beginners and red for seasons swimmers. I actually still use the blue ones, and I get a really good leg workout with them. They train muscles you probably didn't even know existed in your legs. Well worth the thirty bucks.

Once you work your way up, you can follow a similar routine that I do

100m Breast
100m Back
100m Free
100m Kick

Repeat

The two sets in the middle- I do one with the pull bouy and paddles, the next with fins and a kickboard
and then the final one straight swimming again. I dont do this every day but this is one of my workout rotations.

I am also very brand loyal. Once I have found something that works, I will not deviate from it. I only swim in Speedo Vanquisher goggles. I Only swim in Speedo Swim Caps (preferably pink- same with the goggles)
I only use TYR for any swimming training gear (paddles, pull buoys, kickboards etc) I actually deviated from my usual kickboard and bought a Nike one on sale at the Nike OUtlet for 10 bucks (because it was yellow and had pretty flowers on it, making it so much easier to recognize which is mine- and prevents other people from trying to steal yours mid-workout)
and im quite unhappy with it. I'll keep it until it wears out, but I definitely do not like anywhere near as much as I do my trusty TYR standby's.

if you are going to carry backups in your bags- make sure your backups are the same brands as what you use daily, otherwise it will throw your workout off trying to adjust to something new.


Thats all I have for now! :)





I hope his helps! :)

~Millie

Here Comes The Sun And I Say, It's Alright

I found another benefit for getting up early in the morning to exercise. I forgot how wonderful it is to watch the sun come up. Granted, I'm in the pool sweating my ass off as it's rising, but it is a phenomenal thing to experience, even if you do miss a bit of it because your head is under the water. Between the hypnotic slap, slap, slap of my hands as they enter the water, plus experiencing the rising of the sun in all its splendor, truly does allow for reflection. I truly enjoy having this blog. Even if sometimes I forget about it, to be able to record my thoughts and experiences, unedited, is very freeing. And, besides the small handful of people who I know that read my blog, to most, I am a total stranger. With the exception of knowing that my location is in the Chicagoland area, not much else is known about me. I really enjoy that. Being able to express my opinions without judgement.

I do so well at pushing myself in the pool, there, I can tell myself, I know you're tired, but you can do another 100. We'll take a break after this 50, ok, you seem to be going ok, we'll rest after the NEXT 50- keep going.... almost there... one more.. faster, harder, dont give up. And yet, with biking and running, running especially, I just can't seem to push myself the same way. Ok, I really should call it jogging- and I use that term loosely as well. Since it's walk two blocks run a block, walk two more, run another. I just can't seem to push myself past the block. I get to that block and my legs stop, no matter how much my brain tells my legs "just one more block" my legs say "eff off brain, I'm DONE" Perhaps that will change the more running I do. It's surprising to me how much your perception changes once you start driving. My "running" path is through the streets of my neighborhood. Its actually just down on long street to the stop sign and back again. Going once around, there and back is one mile. That flabbergasted me. When you're driving, you make it to that stop sign in no time flat, but yet when you are running (errr walking) it certainly takes way more time to arrive there. So, three laps and that is equal to what I will have to run for the Triathlon. I made it a lap and a half. So, one and a half miles. By now, I know I should be at least DOING three miles, even if it isn't running them... but I just don't know how else I can push myself like I can in the pool.

Alright I have more to write but it will have to wait until tonight :(

~Millie

Monday Monday So Good To Me, Monday Monday It was All I hope it would be

Yes, I know. Way too early in the morning for the Mamas and the Papas. But, it IS Monday morning and well, it was apropos. I stayed true to my word and went swimming this morning. And, I have 2 things to say on this subject. 1. You have to really, and I mean really enjoy doing an activity to wake up at the crack of dawn to do it. Warm Bed, Cold Suit, even colder pool- does not a good morning make. Actually, back that up a second. Warm Bed, Cold Suit, Coldish outside, blaring techno music and bright lights when entering said gym, THEN cold pool.

However, the pool WAS definitely less crowded. I got in at the perfect time, just as the Masters Swimmers were getting out. I didn't think the Masters Swam in the morning either, at least that was what the front desk person had told me a month or so ago. But alas, they do. One upside to swimming with the Masters (Had there been any lanes left) they have some rockin music to swim to in the morning. (and it drowns out the blaring techno music from the rest of the facility)

The one downside I realized, as I was swimming this morning, is that a fairly empty pool makes for a very fast swim. Usually I'd be all like "Holla! I just did a 1600 in 40 minutes" but, its not a realistic 1600 when you look at it in terms of a triathlon. Training in the afternoon (NOT like Im saying I'm going back to that) does make for more realistic swims, considering I'll be swimming with oh I don't know at least thirty or so people in the same heat as me. This will make the water very choppy and not at all smooth like the morning swims are. Thus, slowing you down tremendously because you have to work harder for each stroke rotation.

But, I'm not going to concern myself with that. The swim is 750m I believe, I'm doing 1600m so even in choppy water I'm already swimming double than what will be expected come race day.

The only downside to swimming in the mornings- there may be space in the pool, but you have to wait for showers and counter space. Sigh- I guess its a give and take. I would rather have to wait for showers though than have to wait for a lap lane.

So we'll see how this goes.

Happy Monday Y'all

~Millie

Sunshine Days

Well, if it wasn't for the fact that I am buried under a mountain of assignments currently, I would be outside enjoying the first sunny day in a while. I was chomping at the bit to go and buy my new bicycle this weekend, but I just plain ran out of time. I'm going to have to go o my way home tomorrow. From now until the Triathlon, it's about outside workouts- well, with the exception of swimming. That will still need to be done inside. As much as I am not thrilled with the idea, it looks like I'm going to have to start swimming before work. The crowds at night are just beyond my toleration, and rather than have that be an excuse for why I don't go to the gym, I simply have to get back into going in the morning. Evenings after work, (now that it will be light out for an hour later) will be dedicated to biking or running.

It was pointed out to me that in my last blog, I neglected to discuss my trip to Arizona. I hadn't really wanted to say much. But, I did want to say that it was the first time in a long time, that I didn't need a seatbelt extender. YAY ME! It was a source of huge amounts of anxiety for me, because we brought along my overly critical grandfather, figuring he would enjoy a few days in the sun and away from the snow. To give you some perspective, he spent the better part of two hours talking about how my size 2 sister had "gotten fat" (yeah, she has 2 kids... and for perspective, "getting fat" would be that she is now a size 6- god forbid. So, with comments like that, I can only imagine what he has to say about ME when I'm not around. Anyhow, I knew that if i had needed to ask for a seatbelt extender it would have been something he would have harped on for the extent of the trip, so thank God in many aspects that it wasn't needed.

However, no matter how good you have started to feel about yourself, spend a few days viewing yourself from the eyes of someone like him. Comments like "You're always eating" (I am still on the same regimented schedule I have discussed before.... breakfast, 10am snack, lunch, 3pm snack, dinner) or "We never walk anywhere, you're so lazy" (yeah, because last time I checked, Sedona isn't exactly CLOSE to Phoenix..its not like we can walk there) to "we just had lunch three hours ago... I'm not eating before we get on the plane (the lunch he was referring to was a buffet at the Casino... and if anyone is a vegetarian, they will understand that "Buffets" are a vegetarians kiss of death. There is never anything vegetarian at buffets besides the salad. Which is what I had eaten while he feasted on three platefuls of fish, chicken and beef. But he neglects to recall things like that. He still doesn't think I can do this triathlon. He makes a disapproving face everytime I bring it up. So, we can chalk him up in the 'haters/naysayers' column as well :)

Anyhow, now that midterms are almost over- I have two more papers to write and one more exam- it will be balls to the wall intense training from now until June. The plan is swim M-F every morning. Alternate run and bike at night Mon Tues Thurs Fri Saturday is a rest Day and Sunday will be my long training day (either running or biking)

Im a much better talker than a doer- so hopefully this plan sticks. It takes 6 weeks to make something a habit.... thank goodness there are 14 until the Tri. :)

I'm setting a few mini goals along the way. My first goal: I have this gorgeous brown and pink Paisley skirt that I bought last year for a wedding. When I purchased it, I bought it a size smaller than I was because I thought for sure I would make it into that skirt before said wedding. Well, I didn't. With a can of crisco and double bagging my spanks, I was able to get into it (nevermind the fact that I didn't pee the whole night) but this Easter, I want to get into it Sans crisco and spanx


So, that's it for now. Tomorrow starts my 5:30 am lap swims once again.

Enjoy the sunshine!

~Millie

A Month?!? Holy crap

Okay I knew I had taken a bit of time off from blogging, but a month- wow I didnt think it had been that long. Wow.... well fear not I'm still training...as much as I can currently. But I will get back to that in a bit.

I'm having a hell of a time right now and I kind of just need to go with it... so -WARNING- dangerous curves ahead, known as multiple tangents.

I'm crazy stressed, and I'm freaking.out and I can't seem to a catch a break ANYWHERE. And I'm so sick of getting dumped on by people from every aspect of my life. I mean, granted, I KNOW that I put way too much on my plate here. What kind of lunatic signs up for three classes, works full time, trains for a Triathlon, sings in the choir, AND is part of a book club? Well- me apparently. Oh yeah not to mention the blog. My classes are starting to get the better me, honestly Im slowly warming myself to the idea that this will be the semester I lose my 4.0 - and I've cried over it, I've lamented about insane workloads and ridiculous expectations, but I'm not perfect and the classes Im taking this semester are hard. I feel like Im drowning.

Ive been trying to post this thing for three days now. I keep having to save it and come back. There is so much I want to say but I just don't know where to start. So we'll start with what is top of mind right now.. my mother.

So, I call her on my way home from work because I realize that I haven't talked to her in at least a month, and she had sent me an email wondering if I was back from Arizona yet (more on that in a bit) So I call her and it's a never ending tyrade of why I am not good enough.

Now that Im sitting here, and Ive been sitting here fuming for a while now- I realize the reason that I always over committ myself. Its a ever ending battle to get some form of recognition or get an ounce of credit. For someoe to say, you know what, you are enough. Youre doing a damn good job. I don't tell you enough but I AM proud of you- I AM impressed by all that you do. Instead I get a tyrade of complaints. I live to far when it comes to her coming out to me- but in matters of me going there I'm ONLY an hour away..... I just don't care to come and see her.

My friends all seem to think they are the only friends that I have and why don't I have time to call them , talk to them visit with them hang out with them etc. and same goes for choir- Ive missed the past two weeks, and when I emailed my director this wednesday to tell him I woudn't make it agian because of homework I got a one word response... "Peace" peace? WTF is that supposed to mean? Peace? Whatever.

My company is moving and apparently it is expected that I work overtime there to get stuff packed up and organized. My husband started a new job and is working insane twelve hour days. I have two dogs at home nightly that I need to rush home to let out- not to mention the mountain of homework that I am up everynight doing. My DVR is overloaded with television shows that I havent even been able to watch yet.

I know you have got to be putting two and two together byt now right? Yeah, the last time I worked out was on Wednesday. And I swam, for an hour. The last time I worked out before that? The Tuesday previous ... (unless hiking in Sedona is considered "working out" but I certainly dont count it) I was on a mini vacation with the husband.

So, yeah Im freaking out. My gym- dont even get me started on lifetime. Seriously I think the entire population of my town has all decided to start working out in the after work rush. Monday Im going to start heading to the gym in the morning. Otherwise Im unable to get workouts in. The simple act of getting to the gym in and of itself stresses me out. THe parking lot is packed to the gills, you have to wait in line for workout equipment- and the pool UGH if dont leave my job at exactly FIVE on the nose, I have no hope of getting in that pool until 7 or 8 at night. And Spin Class yeah I gave up on that one two weeks ago. (Unless of course I want to start workig out in the middle of the day, but I think my job might have something to say on that one)

On the plus side- the snow is starting to melt. Im hoping that after next weeks warmup I can start running and biking outside. Of course I need to procure a bike. I plan to go looking sometime this weekend.

I just am at the end of my rope. Maybe once Midterms pass and things calm down a bit again I'll feel bettr, but right now I'm seriously afraid that I am just going to fail at yet another thing.