Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Going Public!

Normally, I am a ridiculously private person. I don’t really share much with many people.. good or bad. After a fairly rocky childhood, I have somewhat come to believe that the only person who will always be there for me and never let me down… is me. So, I find it really, really difficult to ask for help… to me I would rather cut off my left arm, boil it, season it and eat it for dinner (you should be thinking “woah” right now..especially since I am a vegetarian.)

I think that I also tend to keep things private, because just in case I try something and I fail, no one knows that I failed, so I can’t be judged, castigated, looked down upon, etc by anyone for not being able to do whatever it was I set out to do. Believe me, I know there are people that would relish the opportunity to make sure to keep me down with their comments and criticism.. so I need to balance the negative with the positive. I know people will probably think I am insane for setting a Triathlon for a goal.. instead of setting a more attainable goal like “Lose 20 Pounds” but personally, at this juncture in my life I think it’s time to Go Big or Go Home.

So, keeping this in mind… this blog is a way to force myself out of my usual “suffer in silence” zone, and actually try to connect with people and find a network of support. I’m hoping that if I know that people believe in me, the positive support will buoy me through the rough days. And of course, to use yet another swim analogy…You wouldn’t just dip your toe into a freezing cold pool, then your leg, torso arms etc… if one wants to “get over” the initial shock of the cold, they take a running cannonball leap into the water and over stimulate their senses.

I have decided to do this by reaching out and building my network of support. After I finish posting this blog, I am going to put an announcement up on Facebook that I have started this thing, and you know once something is on Facebook, it’s official. There will be no turning back, without me having to eat major crow for giving up. But, I need to prove to myself and mini-me in my brain telling me I’ll never be able to do this, that I’m in this for the long haul- and no matter what my butt will be at that start line come next June.

Here I come world....