I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again- You're Never Gonna Keep Me Down

It's been a long, long time.  I know.  No excuses.  Just so.flipping.busy.
I just can't figure out my bearings- and find up again.  Only a few more weeks.  I will survive.
I guess, in all honesty  I just haven't felt much like blogging.  I just keep getting kicked around in one of my classes-  and I try, and try, and TRY and bang my head against the wall trying-  and I can't muster anything higher than a C.  Yep, a C.  I can't even tell you the last time I received a C in anything.  It's an exhausting, never ending battle of putting my all in, killing myself trying to figure out what it is about me or my writing that isn't working, having people read, re-read, and re-read again things that I write, thinking "ok, this is the one.. THIS will be my B (or lest I even hope perhaps an A) just to get kicked in the gut again.  I hate feeling like everything I do is not good enough.  This term is most definitely been a huge hit to my self-esteem.  "Everyone else" -ie the few people that I actually speak to in my class-  have all managed to digest their critiques and excel (well, if you consider low B's excelling, which at this point- we do)... and yet  I moved from a C- to just your average run of the mill C.  So, that's essentially why Ive been a bit MIA.  This little old blog, and my triathlons, and my physical goals are the few things right now that are in the "I feel good about these" category.  Unfortunately, I can't even bask in the glory of those these days because I'm so mired down with never ending assignments that late October into now have turned into "exercise...what's that?" days.  Only a few more weeks, and then it's balls to the wall.  That is, if I make it out with my sanity.  I keep telling my friends, you are going to have to come look for me up on the mental ward- I'll be the one chewing my hair and talking to my bunny slippers.

Oh and to add insult to injury-  Ive been sick.   I swear i have the worst luck.  I am rarely ever sick.  Its a very rare occurrence that I even use my sick days for illnesses throughout the year-  but, if I'm getting ready to take a vaca or have something important coming up- you betcha I'm Rosemary's baby, except with projectile phlegm. This weekend I'm headed down to Kentucky for a charity event-  AND  I get to meet the famous Skinny Emmie of www.skinnyemmie.com  ( I know, you're jealous ;-)  )  and as if the whole knock to the self esteem- lazy butt only getting wider, thing wasn't enough to make me -really- excited about our get together-  I now get to be Typhoid Mary on top of it, sneezing and wheezing all over the place.  Great first impression.  *fingers crossed* the antibiotics Im now on work their magic by Saturday.

My Big Girl Panties challenge with Meredith has consisted of- Meredith chugging along like a rock star... and me, buying a LOT of hours to keep up.  That will change after December 7th-  hopefully I can make up some of these lost hours.  If not- I guess I'll be ponying up some big dough come the beginning of the year I'll be ponying up some major cash.  -heavy sigh-

Anyhow.. I can't wait to update you guys on my fun day with Skinny Emmie  -  its gonna be capital F fun, even if my face looks like a puffy raspberry. One of these days I'll actually get caught up on all the stuff I need to do by the end of the term-  and hopefully I make it out with at least a smidgen of my self-esteem and my sanity.  Until then, Chumbawumba  is my new mantra "I get knocked down, and I get up again- you're never gonna keep me down"