Monday, November 7, 2011

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again- You're Never Gonna Keep Me Down

It's been a long, long time.  I know.  No excuses.  Just so.flipping.busy.
I just can't figure out my bearings- and find up again.  Only a few more weeks.  I will survive.
I guess, in all honesty  I just haven't felt much like blogging.  I just keep getting kicked around in one of my classes-  and I try, and try, and TRY and bang my head against the wall trying-  and I can't muster anything higher than a C.  Yep, a C.  I can't even tell you the last time I received a C in anything.  It's an exhausting, never ending battle of putting my all in, killing myself trying to figure out what it is about me or my writing that isn't working, having people read, re-read, and re-read again things that I write, thinking "ok, this is the one.. THIS will be my B (or lest I even hope perhaps an A) just to get kicked in the gut again.  I hate feeling like everything I do is not good enough.  This term is most definitely been a huge hit to my self-esteem.  "Everyone else" -ie the few people that I actually speak to in my class-  have all managed to digest their critiques and excel (well, if you consider low B's excelling, which at this point- we do)... and yet  I moved from a C- to just your average run of the mill C.  So, that's essentially why Ive been a bit MIA.  This little old blog, and my triathlons, and my physical goals are the few things right now that are in the "I feel good about these" category.  Unfortunately, I can't even bask in the glory of those these days because I'm so mired down with never ending assignments that late October into now have turned into "exercise...what's that?" days.  Only a few more weeks, and then it's balls to the wall.  That is, if I make it out with my sanity.  I keep telling my friends, you are going to have to come look for me up on the mental ward- I'll be the one chewing my hair and talking to my bunny slippers.

Oh and to add insult to injury-  Ive been sick.   I swear i have the worst luck.  I am rarely ever sick.  Its a very rare occurrence that I even use my sick days for illnesses throughout the year-  but, if I'm getting ready to take a vaca or have something important coming up- you betcha I'm Rosemary's baby, except with projectile phlegm. This weekend I'm headed down to Kentucky for a charity event-  AND  I get to meet the famous Skinny Emmie of  ( I know, you're jealous ;-)  )  and as if the whole knock to the self esteem- lazy butt only getting wider, thing wasn't enough to make me -really- excited about our get together-  I now get to be Typhoid Mary on top of it, sneezing and wheezing all over the place.  Great first impression.  *fingers crossed* the antibiotics Im now on work their magic by Saturday.

My Big Girl Panties challenge with Meredith has consisted of- Meredith chugging along like a rock star... and me, buying a LOT of hours to keep up.  That will change after December 7th-  hopefully I can make up some of these lost hours.  If not- I guess I'll be ponying up some big dough come the beginning of the year I'll be ponying up some major cash.  -heavy sigh-

Anyhow.. I can't wait to update you guys on my fun day with Skinny Emmie  -  its gonna be capital F fun, even if my face looks like a puffy raspberry. One of these days I'll actually get caught up on all the stuff I need to do by the end of the term-  and hopefully I make it out with at least a smidgen of my self-esteem and my sanity.  Until then, Chumbawumba  is my new mantra "I get knocked down, and I get up again- you're never gonna keep me down"


KLA said...

What course are you taking? It reminds me of an accounting course I took a few years back. Very stressful and lots of work. I don't really have anything helpful to say, but it's ending and soon. Well, soonish!

Skinny Emmie said...

First, I don't care if you're sick. I mean, obviously I want you to feel great, but if you're a snotting mess, I won't judge.
Second, we're going to have so much fun. If we're not having fun, we will just drown our attitudes in bourbon and throw dollar bills at horses. yay!

Skinny Emmie said...

oh, and also feeling you on the grade thing. Reminds me of calculus in college. I busted my ASS like I never had before, and felt lucky to come out with a D. Yes, a D. As someone who rarely even ventured as low as a B, the D was the BIGGEST slap in the face ever, since I worked so hard for it. Hang in there, it's almost over.

TravelDiva said...

Hang in there girl...this too shall pass. Have a great time.

The Tubby Triathlete said...

Thanks everyone <3 The really hard kick me in the gut class is Literary Theory. :-/ I am definitely going to kabosh any talk of school or homework for the weekend and try to just ENJOY spending a free weekend with no homework :)