Friday Night Musings

I dont really have all that much to say today. Now that I am officially out and the reality of the situation is sinking in, I have a laundry list of apprehensions and the reality of the mountain before me is really sinking in. The elated I can do anything feeling of a few weeks ago has become a holy crap what have I gotten myself into. For the first time since I decided to do this crazy thing last September, I am actually certifiably afraid that I will not be able to. I argue with myself constantly. I mean, an 800 swim- please, I tell myself, I swim double that during my previous swim workouts. 14 mile bike- well the last time I worked out on the bike I did 10.89 miles ... but the little voice in my head keeps reminding that riding a stationary bike for 10 miles is nothing like riding an ACTUAL bike for ten miles. And then there is this little old thing called the run. I'm at a mile and half now in thirty minutes.... A mile and a half, and that's WALKING... in thirty sad minutes. People I know run a 7 minute mile... and I can't even walk it in thirty minutes. I have to do double that in thirty minutes in four months. Will I even be able to?

I keep picturing myself after the swim- getting out of the water and telling my husband that I can't go on, I'm too tired. Or doing okay in the swim, getting on the bike and then running out of gas on the bike leg- and seeing all of these people who have pledged their support and having to explain to them that I'm a failure once again. The mental pictures I have of me on the run leg, are laughable. I'm really beginning to second guess the whole tell everyone I signed up thing. Perhaps I should have kept my big mouth shut.

And of course, I'm really worried that I may never make it into this spin class- they seem to be ridiculously popular. The very helpful :sarcasm: woman at the gym informed me that the 11:00 class is usually only half full- gee I wonder why- because people are flipping working at that time, including me. What am I going to do if I dont get in the spin class. And of course, all this damn snow that keeps falling isnt helping me very much. At least if it warms up and the roads clear I can start working outside. Boy I hope it's an early spring, I think the faster I can get outside and start training the more at ease I will feel.

Until then I guess I can only keep on doing what Im doing, and pray that it is enough....

~Millie