Sucker Punched

Life really has a way of sucker-punching you sometimes. You take two steps forward, and then someone or something comes along and kicks you in the gut, making you flail helplessly backwards to a point further back than where you started previously.

I just had a blood panel done from the doctor and my effing insulin and glucose levels are elevated. No, I am not diabetic… I have something called PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and they want me to go back on Metformin. And just the thought of having to take it again has me crying. Not only will I be in the john for ninety percent of my day, because it does a number on my system (not to mention I already have IBS so yeah it does a double number) but now I will essentially be locked into my current weight no matter how much I exercise no matter how much I eat right. That mother effing drug was the sole reason of my frustrations the past couple of years, and FINALLY when I went off it I started dropping weight again. And now, this new doctor insists it will HELP me, insists it WONt lock me into my weight but I know he’s full of it…because it will.

Plus, the last time I took this stupid medicine, I would get horribly sick if I didn’t eat every four flipping hours… and yeah its easy to do when you are at work- but on weekends or vacations or any number of things its not easy- at all. And then if you don’t yup back in the john for the rest of the day again- and nauseaous and with a case of the shakes. I can’t do this again.

If anyone knows of anyway to avoid having to take this damn medicine. I have to go back in for another blood panel on Friday- this time fasting before I go in. I’m hoping that the elevation was just from all the crap stuff ate over the weekend, drinking regular pop even and eating dinner ridiculously late last night coming home from class. Please God let it just be that.
If I have to go back on Met- it will break me. I just can’t do it.

Polar Bear Swim

Well, considering winter hasn't officially come yet, and fall is just begining I'm sure you are probably wondering why I would entitle my post "Polar Bear Swim' well, that is what I felt like when I got into the pool today. Oh My Goodness lifetime... Its called HEAT....lets try it! The pool was glacial. I mean, I shaved this morning, and now you wouldn't know it! Freezing with a capital F. Insane. Nothing says feel goodness like walking in the rain from the parking lot to the gym, putting on a damp, cold bathing suit (from said rain) - forgot an umbrella and you always have to park at the ass end of the parking lot at my gym, and then jumping into a freezing cold pool. Loves.It.

Anyhow, I have come to realize that what I eat at lunch and whether or not I have a snack before I work out make all the difference. Wednesday, I ate a 100 calorie pack of Almonds at about 4:00. Today, I had a tiny lunch and no snack- I got in the pool swam a 100 and thought I was going to die. mental note pack snacks.

I really need to be better about my food choices. With classes I find myself eating really late (like on my way home from class at 10:00 and yes, that usually means going through a drive through. Usually, I'm embarrassed to admit, it's Taco Bell. Well, actually only on Thursday classes because the effin thing is right across the street from my school. Even on days that I don't have class though I find I am so busy that I'm snacking instead of eating a meal. This weekend, aside form homework- my husband and i are planning on drawing up a menu for the week and trying to pre- prepare as much as possible for the week so that we don't run into the same situation.

I also today got a lesson in controlling emotional triggers. There is a certain person that I have to deal with every day. This person is miserable, spiteful, jealous, must be the center of attention at all times, and complains constantly. They are a total negative force to me and the people around me. They were exceeding miserable today bitching and moaning about everything. And FINALLY without being confrontational, without getting upset or forgetting what I wanted to say because I get so shaken, the past two days I have been able to stand up for myself and put this idiot in their place. Halleujiah! Its one brick in a long path I'll have to clear for myself.. but I am so done with unhappy people. Just because they are miserable, that is not something I need to take on and let it ruin my day. And it felt really really great to be able to work these things out in my head... its been great distraction while exercising to think about this stuff and have it worked out before I get home and allow it to ruin my night, my weekend, or whatever.

I have too many things to focus on, that wasting my energies on unhappy miserable people that will always be in the situation they are in because they lack the motivation to change anything is totally useless.

Yay! Me! Hell yeah!

~Millie

And So You're Back, From Outer Space

So, I just looked at the last blog I did and it was September Twenty Flippin first. Oy.Vey.

No, I haven't swam, biked, or ran since then. I totally fell off the effin wagon. Argh! School- I tell you, what on earth told me I could handle three classes in one semester god only knows... but pretty much everything other than school has someone fallen to the wayside. I even had to drop out of choir. I will say though :tangent- teachers disrespectful of students time:

Quite honestly, professors should flipping realize that #1 their class is not the ONLY class that most students are taking #2 that most people who work full time and going to classes are doing the bulk of their homework on weekends,not the night before class. It is totally ridiculous for any professor (and in my case all THREE of my professors) to email assignments at 6:00pm the night before class and expect them to be handed in. Which, of course they have to be handed in.. but not without a lot of swearing, a lot of groaning and just general pissed-off-ed-ness. I have found that even on my "gym" days (Mondays, Wednesdays, & Fridays) Ive had to bypass the gym to get home to do some insane assignment. :end tangent:

Now, I know that people say "if exercising were my priority I would make time" True. It's not that it isn't a priority it just isn't my number one priority and perhaps therein lies the problem. However, school to me is more important at the moment---- and maybe that is a sign of predestined failure. I don't want it to be.. Im going to try like hell to make sure it doesn't happen. And I will sure as the white of my teeth, NOT take three classes next semester. Or, if I do, they'll be online classes.

Thankfully, I have a really super support system, who have been e-mailing me wondering when I'm going to blog again and when I'm getting my arse back in gear. And I am especially grateful to two people specifically. In the spirit of anonymity - since I've made it a point this far NOT to reveal the who's, or where's of myself.... I will just say my S-I-L and my triathalon inspiration, whom I will refer to as my MB (motivational buddy) have seriously been fabulous, and I wouldn't have made it back to the pool without their nudging. <3>

So yeah- pool day 1 today. After a comedy of errors, including not being able to find my swim cap (which consequently discovered in my laundry room [I can only assume it was wrapped up in a towel with my bathing suit at some point or another] my elusive goggles on the other hand are MIA) and that brings me to point numero dos.

Obviously, always carry spares. Unfortunately, I had to purchase a new swim cap at Lifetime when I got there ($15.99 TOTAL rip off.. but what's a girl to do) then I discovered that my usual Speedo Vanquisher goggles are M.I.A Thankfully I have another pair of goggles as "backup" but they sucked- they worse than sucked.. I dont know another word that could accurately describe the disdain I have for said crappy goggles but I had to stop every 2 laps just to get them to unfog (even AfTER spraying them pre-swim with anti fog). Fail. Hard-core fail.

Lesson learned- spares should always be of equal caliber to your main set - otherwise what is the point. So, alas, I will have to go and purchase a new pair of goggles as I have been unable to find the missing pair. And, they are hot pink, so it's not like they would be hard to spot :o(

I really liked those goggles... it may sound crazy but they were nice and broken in... new ones will take time to get them to the right give and bend.

I was actually kind of scared as to just how much I would fall behind considering I haven't been in the pool for three weeks, but surprisingly I felt great. I cut off my workout at 1000 yds, because a. it was my first day back and b. Lifetime apparently, even though I was told when I joined that lap pools are ONLY for adults, and there is a whole SEPARATE pool for kids and their swim lessons- there were only THREE lap lanes dedicated to adults, the rest of them filled with little kiddles taking their swim lessons- ridiculous. I'm sorry, I don't care if Lifetime makes money off of those buggers or not- Adult lap lanes should be adult lap lanes, period. If they don't have enough room in the additional pool for all of their classes, tough. Or schedule swim lessons earlier or later than the 5:30 rush.

So, yay for being back in the saddle. One of these days, probably Friday or Saturday, I'm going to have to contend with Gustav ..... he's been taunting me for weeks.

Until tomorrow

~Millie