I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again- You're Never Gonna Keep Me Down

It's been a long, long time.  I know.  No excuses.  Just so.flipping.busy.
I just can't figure out my bearings- and find up again.  Only a few more weeks.  I will survive.
I guess, in all honesty  I just haven't felt much like blogging.  I just keep getting kicked around in one of my classes-  and I try, and try, and TRY and bang my head against the wall trying-  and I can't muster anything higher than a C.  Yep, a C.  I can't even tell you the last time I received a C in anything.  It's an exhausting, never ending battle of putting my all in, killing myself trying to figure out what it is about me or my writing that isn't working, having people read, re-read, and re-read again things that I write, thinking "ok, this is the one.. THIS will be my B (or lest I even hope perhaps an A) just to get kicked in the gut again.  I hate feeling like everything I do is not good enough.  This term is most definitely been a huge hit to my self-esteem.  "Everyone else" -ie the few people that I actually speak to in my class-  have all managed to digest their critiques and excel (well, if you consider low B's excelling, which at this point- we do)... and yet  I moved from a C- to just your average run of the mill C.  So, that's essentially why Ive been a bit MIA.  This little old blog, and my triathlons, and my physical goals are the few things right now that are in the "I feel good about these" category.  Unfortunately, I can't even bask in the glory of those these days because I'm so mired down with never ending assignments that late October into now have turned into "exercise...what's that?" days.  Only a few more weeks, and then it's balls to the wall.  That is, if I make it out with my sanity.  I keep telling my friends, you are going to have to come look for me up on the mental ward- I'll be the one chewing my hair and talking to my bunny slippers.

Oh and to add insult to injury-  Ive been sick.   I swear i have the worst luck.  I am rarely ever sick.  Its a very rare occurrence that I even use my sick days for illnesses throughout the year-  but, if I'm getting ready to take a vaca or have something important coming up- you betcha I'm Rosemary's baby, except with projectile phlegm. This weekend I'm headed down to Kentucky for a charity event-  AND  I get to meet the famous Skinny Emmie of www.skinnyemmie.com  ( I know, you're jealous ;-)  )  and as if the whole knock to the self esteem- lazy butt only getting wider, thing wasn't enough to make me -really- excited about our get together-  I now get to be Typhoid Mary on top of it, sneezing and wheezing all over the place.  Great first impression.  *fingers crossed* the antibiotics Im now on work their magic by Saturday.

My Big Girl Panties challenge with Meredith has consisted of- Meredith chugging along like a rock star... and me, buying a LOT of hours to keep up.  That will change after December 7th-  hopefully I can make up some of these lost hours.  If not- I guess I'll be ponying up some big dough come the beginning of the year I'll be ponying up some major cash.  -heavy sigh-

Anyhow.. I can't wait to update you guys on my fun day with Skinny Emmie  -  its gonna be capital F fun, even if my face looks like a puffy raspberry. One of these days I'll actually get caught up on all the stuff I need to do by the end of the term-  and hopefully I make it out with at least a smidgen of my self-esteem and my sanity.  Until then, Chumbawumba  is my new mantra "I get knocked down, and I get up again- you're never gonna keep me down"

Built-In Distractions & Excuses

Well, today was a planned swim day, but with the start of fall semester, a new domain site that I just signed up for, and about a gagillion other things I found to distract myself with, instead of swimming at the pool, I am at home. The plan is to make today a "Run" day instead of a swim day.
I must get organized. The plan is to follow the "Couch to 5K Program" to train for the running portion. The first few weeks are more walking and jogging for short spurts. This I know I will be able to survive. It's when we get down to full on running, I'll be praying that I don't die.
At the moment, I am swimming 1400 Yards which consists of:

4 x 150: Free (50) Breast (50) Back (50)

Followed by 100 Back
100 Breast
100 Free

4 Suicides : Sprint 50 free
Slow 50 Breast

Cool Down: 50 Back/ 50 Breast

This changes rotation with stroke focused/kick focused plans.

But, I'm sure most people don't really much care exactly what I'm doing in the pool.

I can't say that after last Monday's "Fat Bitch showdown" with an Ironman, that I'm not exactly enthused with the thought of returning to the pool today, so I guess finding an "excuse" to skip a pool day came easier than it normally would.

The Ironmen are still in training for I believe it's the Madison Ironman event. So they have monopolized the five very small lap lanes at my gym. When I used to have a membership at the Y I was all for sharing lanes (ok that's not 100% true- I would begrudingly share a lane, if I had to... but most of the time I am a one person per lap lane kind of person)

However, at my current gym, the lap lanes are about half the width of a normal lap lane, my armspan during breastroke and butterfly strokes touch the lane dividers on either side. So, trying to share said unbelieveably, and restringly skinny lanes with another person is next to impossible. Try and squeeze a tubby triathlete, plus a bulky muscle-man in a lane, and it's laughably uncomfortable. So, typically, I wait until a lane opens up, which negates the necessity to share.

So, last Monday, aforementioned meat-head muscle man makes a beeline for the very lap lane that I am about to jump into after a thirty minute wait. I decide "screw him, I've been waiting thrity minites, Mr. Self-Entitled can not just breeze out of the locker room and into a lane without having to wait like the rest of us. I proceeded to jump in my lane, ignoring the "Hey....HEY!" from the opposite end if the lane. Mr Muscleman, insisting on getting my attention yells from the other end " THIS IS MY LANE". To which I replied, "Sorry, I've been waiting thirty minutes." He then tells me to share, to which I reply, you can share, you just got here. I pull down my goggles, kick off the wall to which I see him slap the water and call me a "fat bitch" before ducking under the lane and moving into the next one.

Everyone who I have told about my encounter said I should have reported him, but the satisfaction of the jerk getting evicted, was nothing compared to being able to keep my private lap lane.


So, instead Monday will be a run day, and Tuesday, when apparently no one feels like swimming and the pool is next to empty, will be my swim day...until my other class starts next month. Then, I will have to rework everything again.

Do I intentionally over-fill my calendar just so I have a built in excuse when things don't work out, and I end up having to quit? Definitely something to mull over, because it's almost like, in a month from now if I stop going to the gym, I can always say "oh well, school just got to be too much" and that is how I will justify it in my head instead of having to admit failure or defeat.

That, will not happen this time. Time constrained or not- I will find a way to make it all work.