Thinking about Thoughts

I've been in my own head a lot lately- and instead of internalizing as I usually do, I figured I would at least share.  So-  between being sick, being on vacation, and now recovering from my sun poisoning I'm disgustingly behind in my training.  My first intended Triathlon is the first week of June.  That's 8 weeks away.  I'm nowhere near ready.  I'm quite certain that I'm going to have to defer.  And I know how disappointing that is - to me as well -  but I just don't think there is anyway that I am going to be able to get race ready in less than 8 weeks.  Which is a complete disappointment to me.  I have to be honest with myself though-  crappy winter, cold pools, never ending cold and snow- illness, injury, school, and god knows what else has just been too much to deal with this season.

There is still the Triathlon in August- and I think I can better prepare for that one.  I have Brutus to work with me, and if I have him to work with for five months before the first tri versus two months, I have a much better chance of actually competing in the race instead of just participating.  So I think my goals are going to shift and refocus a bit.

It just seems weird that See Millie Tri  will only be Tri-ing once this season.  Which brings me to my other thoughts.  Losing weight and Training for Tri's don't really work all that well together.  Yeah there is some general slimming down that happens while training for a Triathlon but actual Weightloss isn't really your focus while your training and with all the working out you are doing-  you are more concerned with developing strength and stamina -  plus piling in the calories (in a good way- not a lets eat a whole bag of chips in one sitting way)  to support the needs of your body.

But, Ive never made it a secret that Mr Millie and I want kids and that I need to slim down to start IVF.  We've been talking, and Ive been talking to Brutus about my goals-  and by the end of the year, I want to be IVF ready-  that means a BMI Of under 40 and preferably under 35.   In order for my BMI to get under 35- I need to lose about 75 pounds by the end of the year- which is roughly 12 pounds a month.  The average or "suggested" weightloss is 8-10 pounds a month, so 12 pounds a month is really lofty, but  that is my hope anyway.

I didn't meet with Brutus on Saturday because the boils on the undersides of my legs were the most painful of all of them.  But, I plan to tell Brutus on Saturday that I want to shift my focus a bit more towards weight loss less towards Triathlon-ing (for now)  and re-focus in June training for the August Tri.

I'm really confident that working with Brutus I can achieve my goals.  He works you until you're a drop of goo-  but in a way that empowers me and reignites that little spark inside me that says "I can"

Right now, its just a whisper-  but soon-  it will come back roaring.

It's weird, because every time I see an IronMan  I think "wow, what if"... then sensible me says "Millie you can't even run a 5k.. you expect to swim three miles, bike a hundred and then run a full marathon"  and little Millie, who is holding the dim candle whispering "I Can"  tells me "You will..... someday"  and for some crazy reason, I actually believe it.

But that lofty goal is far far away-  post weight loss, post (fingers crossed) child birthing - but its there and maybe someday I will be able to get branded with the pride that says I am an Ironman.

For now though-  Ill continue t focus on my little old Sprint Triathlons.  -  Perhaps I'll do some five k's this summer and get my body used to running, and really rock it come August.